Sunday, July 01, 2007


So I have to tell you about the dream I had last night because I think it is directly related to my earlier ramblings about my inability to control my own mind.

The dream begins in a stone room. I am there with one other person and we are on a mission of some kind. As we are starting on the job a bad guy comes in. He's got this electric whip thing that delivers a nasty little shock. He corners us and then a small older woman comes in and takes the whip thing. She then concentrates on me. It turns out that if the whip is held against the body it delivers a sustained shock. This is painful and I start to cry out NO repeatedly while trying to push her away. I push her back long enough to get my hands around her throat and I squeeze. She starts to back away and then to choke. It's at this moment that I wake up.

Normally I am not too quick to interpret my dreams but this was different. I woke with a certainty that I was trying to kill that part of me that is giving me grief by making me relive a bad decision or by causing me to imagine the worst. They say you need to hit bottom before you can really change. Perhaps it is also true that your need must reach it's apex before you can change. And let me tell you, I have never had a greater need than I do now.
Sing it with me... ding dong the bitch is dead...

1 comment:

Kicking N. Screaming said...

Oh happy, powerful subconscious! I had tidal wave dreams often. In the dreams I was always watching the tidal wave come in to kill us all - calmly. One day I reviewed the various versions of the dream and realized that in each of them, the wave is there, approaching and threatening, but no one has ever been hurt. Since I realized that, the dreams have pretty much gone away.