Thursday, November 09, 2006


After yesterday's deluge the sun came out in a brilliant blue sky. I went to the park and everything had that after the rain smell. I just stood there and inhaled deeply. The park was beautiful. The golden autumn light was made even more golden as it passed through the leaves. A gust of wind would come up and leaves would flutter to the ground like butterflies. Perfect.
Or almost. There's a problem I have that I've been trying to get rid of but I can't quite manage it. Two years or so ago a young Julliard student named Sarah was murdered in the park. Her family organized search parties and they found her about a week after she went missing. The worst thing about it was her death. She must have been terrified in those last moments. But the second worst thing is that her murderer became part of the park. He made himself a part of it. Now, the park wasn't perfectly safe before this. There are countless spots for people to lurk. In one spot there is a circle where fires have been lit and a lot of beer drunk. But it felt fine. After Sarah was found my behavior in the park changed. For a while I didn't venture further in. Then when I did I would keep looking behind me, listening to every little sound, hyper alert. And that is still true. I can't help thinking of what might be hiding in the forest and wondering what became of Sarah's killer. They haven't found him. Is he still here somewhere? Did he get arrested for something else or leave town? Did he die? And how does he feel? Powerful or horrible? I suppose this is the price for living among people. We do awful things to each other, often for no reason at all. I hope that one day I can walk under the trees and think only of the beauty and not of evil.

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