Machines

I recently acquired two new kitchen appliances. And they were both free, but for different reasons.
First is the yogurt maker. It was a present from my sister. It is really idiot proof. You buy a quart of milk -cow, goat, or soy- add some starter or plain yogurt directly to the carton, mix well, stick it in the holder and plug it in. 8-10 hours later you have yogurt. You can add flavoring or sweetener and you can make it thicker by adding powdered milk or pectin. That's it. I admit, I miss having little glass containers but I love the small footprint.
It's called the Miracle Yogurt Maker.












The second appliance is a crock pot. I got it through Freecycle.com. That's a yahoo group that allows you to offer or ask for free stuff. It's true, it's not very attractive and it needs a good scrubbing and it is an older model that doesn't have a removable insert but it was FREE. Can't beat that with a stick.

Lesson

Today I gave myself a little present (in anticipation of my tax refund). I got a make-up lesson. It's something I've meant to do for some time. I never really learned how to put on make-up, especially eye make-up. The only person in our house who knew how to do it was Wendy and she was gone before I was old enough to really wear make-up. I did have a friend named Alina who was an artist. She had a huge eyeshadow collection and when I was in Junior High I would go to her house and she would play on my face. I remember once she did me all in gold tones. It was very striking. But it was all very dramatic and completely impractical. I wore the stuff every day in high school but it was just a little. I was mostly concerned with foundation. That I did get better at. Once I got to college I was sucked into tech theatre and anything extra went away. The nails got short and unpolished and the eye make-up disappeared entirely. Since then I have only worn make-up occasionally when I was going out. I stand there in front of the mirror, doing my best to follow vague instructions gleaned from books and magazines. The results are never satisfying. And I often think, "I should get someone to teach me how to do this". So today I did just that.

I went to the Dorit Baxter Day Spa. It is not a high end spa. This is immediately apparent when you enter. There are pitchers of lemon water but the furniture is a bit scruffy and there is a lack of embellishment. But the staff was friendly and I was not made to wait. The make-up artist was a good advertisement for spa services, her skin looked good and her hair was well styled. The effect was spoiled a bit by her leather pants but I could not hold it against her. She was also friendly and enthusiastic. She began by talking about eyebrow shape. She asked if I wanted her to go ahead and shape them. It was not included in the lesson and would be extra. I said sure, go ahead. You are now staring in disbelief at the screen. It's true, I have always strongly opposed such a procedure. Not on any moral grounds or out of doubt of its efficacy (I know it can have dramatic results) but because I know that once you start it is hard to stop. But I figured if I was going to do this I should go all the way. They will grow back and I may just let them go. We'll see.
She then moved on to cleansing, toning, and moisturizing. Knowing that she would want to sell some product I told her I had some that I liked very much. I did not tell her that I make them myself. I suspect she would have disapproved.
We moved on to concealer and foundation. She then applied some blush. This is where the first surprise came. She picked a bronzer for the purpose. I would not have chosen it but it looked good. Then she proceeded to line and shade my eye. Her mantra is "fill in only what is missing". Therefore, if you have eyes that slope down you fill in at the top edge and sweep up. On the other hand, if you have a lot of crease don't fill that in. And that dear friends, is where I had been going wrong. Make-up books can only take you so far. They deal in generalities and cannot address your particular issue. They deal mostly with eye shape and not droop of lid or the problems of down-turned corners. So they advise medium base on the bottom part, dark color in the crease, and highlighter on top, then blend. This is does not work for me and is the reason I was never satisfied with my attempts. Now I know. Some mascara and my eye was all set. She then put on some lipstick. This was the next surprise. It was a browny color, again one I would not have chosen but it looked good. I was now ready for day.
In order to get upgrade me for the evening she added some shadow under the eye to give it a smokey look and increased the bronzer a bit. This is when I got the biggest surprise. She put on this bright red lipstick and a coat of clear gloss. And it looked great! It would never have occurred to me. I have pale skin and small lips and so I tend to go for lighter colors. But in combination with the heavier eye make-up and the bronzer made it possible. I couldn't go out in the day with those bright red lips but for an evening out they'd be fabulous. Who knew?
I managed to leave without buying anything though she did give me a list of what she had used.

I don't think that I'm going to start wearing make-up every day but it is nice to know that I can do it well when I want to. I tried to take a picture of myself when I got home but it didn't come out well. You'll just have to wait until our next night out to see the results of my lesson.

Comfy

We interrupt your usual programming to bring you comfy cats.

We have some kisses too.

Saturday Meme by Me

I have tagged myself for a meme posted by Lady Epiphany. I don't think all of mine worked out as well as hers but you can judge for yourself.

1. My Rock Star Name: Xanadu Amsterdam

2. My Movie Star Name: Draga Truffle

3. My "Fly Girl" Name: Snin

4. My Detective Name: Crimson Goat

5. My Soap Opera Name: Nina New York

6. My Superhero Name: The Scarlet Shiraz

7. Futuristic Name: Burberry Dr. Martens

So I think some of these worked out better than others. I also had a hard time picking a favorite color and animal. To make your own fabulous names do this:

1. (your first pet, a street name you lived on as a child)
2. (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
3. (first initial of your first name and first two or three letters of your middle name)
4. (favorite color, favorite animal)
5. (middle name, city where you were born)
6. ("The", your favorite color, your favorite drink)
7. (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne, the name of your favorite shoes)

As Expected

Two days into hearing cases and we have divided into two groups. I am part of the larger group that understands our role. We decide if a crime was probably committed and if the defendant probably committed it. Period. Then there are those who seem to be unable to make this distinction. They also seem to want to hold the victim responsible. They wonder why it took so long for the victim to realize he was being victimized. They question the competence of his advisers. They want to know when he first realized there was a problem and so on. The bottom line, of course, is that all of that is irrelevant. The victim may be naive and need a keeper but that does not change the fact that the defendant committed the crime. That is the only question. One case in particular made me want to beat my head against the edge of the jury box. The ADA was very nice about it but I suspect she was beginning to feel put upon. It must be very frustrating not to be able to do some yelling about what is and is not relevant. We also have a Geoffrey. Some of you readers know what I mean. I don't think he will be punning but you never know. If you hear I have been arrested you will know what happened.

Jury Duty

It's official, I have the jury duty. On the grand jury. All you Law & Order watchers will know that the grand jury decides if an indictment is warranted. No decisions about guilt or innocence, just whether there is sufficient evidence for a trial. I won't be able to give any details as I have been sworn to secrecy but I probably will be ranting about my frustration with people and the process. The paneling was tiresome enough. People kept asking silly questions that were merely a variation on the question asked just before. There are three morning panels and one afternoon. Each has 23 people. I am curious to see how that will work. Do we all hear each case? It seems like a lot of people. We all know how hard it is to get just a handful to agree on anything. Even simple things like, where should we eat? Fortunately each session is only 3 hours. This will not eliminate silly behavior but it will limit how much we have to take in one day. My retail trained radar went off a couple of times as my panel was filled but hopefully most of the group will be reasonable adults. I also hope this experience will be more interesting and less mind-numbing than my last service which was a civil trial about plastic surgery. I can only presume that court reporters stop listening to actual speech and focus on just getting each word in. Otherwise they would go stark staring mad early on in their careers. I have no idea how judges stand it. They must have the frequent urge to beat people with their gavels. Maybe you get some special training when you become a judge that enables you to tolerate endless repetition and frequent loss of common sense. Maybe that's what law school is really for.

First of Many

The first pillow is done. I have a bunch more to go but the first is always the hardest. I had some angst with the sewing machine which was misbehaving. Then I did the sensible thing and dragged out the manuel. It seems that when I put in a different needle for the heavier fabric I put it in back to front. After fixing that things went much better. Always check the manuel. It will save you a lot of swearing.

I know what you're thinking. You're surprised by the fabric choice. Recently I've found myself attracted to more traditional, more romantic prints and colors. They feel warm and soft and sensual. It's probably my closet romantic coming out. Next thing you know I'll be buying floral print skirts and poet's blouses.

New Flor

The new Flor came and has been installed. As you can see, I opted for a more neutral approach. I had a problem with the texture of the House Pet. It's kind of hairy, like a terrier. To keep it clean one would need to vacuum at least every other day and better yet every day because of all the little crumbs and bits of food. I know that I am not going to drag out the vacuum every day. I do sweep every day though and the Working Class is smoother, more sweepable. It does not come in as nice a red so I got the tan instead.



I like it. It's nice and flat and sooo much better than the nasty blue carpet. It was easy to install too. I think I still prefer real rugs for a livingroom or bedroom but this stuff would be great in a kid's room or utility room. And it is a neat alternative to wall to wall carpeting.

And look, the new floor coordinates with the cats.

More Oddities

My walk from the subway takes me through a park and today in that park there was a piece of coconut in a tree. It was just sitting there, perched on a branch as if it had been carefully placed there. I couldn't help but wonder, why on Earth would you put coconut in a tree? On Saturday I had seen a man break open a coconut on a rock. This was in the same park though not in the same place. I wondered, did this man put the coconut in the tree or was it some other random coconut placer? I intend to go back tomorrow and see if the piece is still there. It might make a nice nest if a bird could manage to get it higher up in the tree. Maybe if he got some of his bird friends to help. Promised them bird seed and nectar if they helped with the move.

Missionaries

I had a real Mormon sighting today. There is a Church of the Latter Day Saints here in Inwood and I had some neighbors who are Mormon but I have never seen a missionary pair. Today as I headed to the farmer's market I saw them. Two young men in black suits and black coats and earnest faces. They attempted to speak to one man who ignored them completely and then a couple who I suspect replied that they belonged to the local Catholic church. The young men did not speak to me so my aura was functioning properly. I do feel for them though. I know the missionary work is a two year commitment. But I don't know much else. Is there a quota? If you don't sign on enough people you don't get the merit badge? I have some relatives who are Mormon though they are pretty low key about it. Once, when I was about 13 and my folks were away and my cousins were babysitting, we got a visit from Brother Smith and Brother Love. Since we had these Mormon relatives we decided to be neighborly and invited them to dinner. We also figured they didn't get much in the way of good food so we made lasagna. Brother Love was round, blond and cherubic while Brother Smith was dark and thin but he ate a prodigious amount. It transpired that he was one of eleven children and if you didn't eat up and quick you got shortchanged. I think they knew from the outset that we were a lost cause but they did get a good home-cooked meal and had a nice evening. Maybe someone will feed those two young men I saw today.

Horoscope

As you may know, I read Rob Brezny's Free Will Astrology horoscope each week. It is always entertaining. And sometimes, like this week, it can be maddening.

"When are your cats old enough to learn about Jesus?" asks The Onion, America's finest newspaper. Think about that question for a while, Aries. Then, once you've worked yourself up into a riddle-solving frame of mind, move on to these other, more pressing brain-teasers: When will you finally be old enough to figure out what you want to do when you grow up? When will it be the right time to reveal your secret super-powers to the world? How long are you going to wait before you get around to being completely committed to what you were born to do?

I ask you, is the man trying to make me crazy? If he wanted to be helpful he would answer the question for me.

You Must Go See This

It's a little video of a scuba diving cat. Really, go see. Just scroll down past the rat in the pocket and the duck in the shoe.

The Answer

And we have an answer. The voice from the past is a guy I went to college with named Bill. He lived on my floor freshman year-he was a junior. After he graduated he got married and moved to Florida. Now he is living in Rhode Island. He was at work and so we didn't speak for long but I passed on my email address so we will see what he's been up to.

Random Stuff

A couple of weeks ago I got this message on my voicemail from a man who said he was a voice from my past. He did not identify himself and said he would call back. He did, again when I was not here. Once more he did not identify himself. But I have the technology. That's right, I used *69. Now I have a phone number. Unfortunately the reverse lookup was only slightly helpful as the number is unlisted. I did learn that it is in Rhode Island. Having listened to the voice a couple of times I still have no idea who it might be. I presume it is someone from my high school days but we will see when I call the number back tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

As I sit here writing this I am also listening to a program on Discovery Health about a woman who is both pregnant and (you'd better sit down mothers) paralyzed from the waist down. Now, you might think that this would have its advantages. No pain from contractions, for example. But in fact when the body has a contraction and then cannot communicate that to the brain it has a freakout which can result in a stroke. This is called autonomic dysreflexia. She will still need an epidural to combat this. Needless to say, she has a whole host of troubles including a difficult time regulating her body temperature, a susceptibility to blood clots, and she has managed to get a bladder infection in her 8th month. So far she has had 17 sonograms. She is now at 38 weeks and they are inducing labor. This is a long long process. She has to hang out for 15 hours while the baby drops and she dilates. The delivery itself does not take that long and between her and the doctor they get the baby out. It's a boy. Poor little thing, he is having trouble breathing and has been taken to the ICU. Fortunately he is out pretty soon but mom is having trouble. It is now 6 weeks since the delivery and she cannot sit up in her chair for long because her blood pressure is very very low. Dad is taking care of it all. It seems she has a uterine infection. Now that dad has gone back to work she has attendants to help her. She does not know if she will ever be as functional as she was. Maybe they will revisit her and we can find out.
Does this make your nasty experience seem a little less nasty? Probably not. But it is amazing what people can and will do.

My last random thought is certainly not least. It is a BIG THANK YOU to Lady Epiphany and The Queen of All who have graciously put an ad for my business on their blogs. They are the best. We should all have such good friends.

Reasons

Kind of heavy wasn't it, that last post. I wish I could say it was also cathartic. It was liberating, for someone like me who usually keeps things very close to the vest. But cathartic? No. I have done something which did make me feel better but more on that later.

I was very excited a few months ago as the business went live. I expected that I would remain excited but I haven't. Having spent some time thinking about it I've come up with several possible reasons for this.

Maybe it's the fact that I have no way to share the business. Oh, family and friends are interested and want to know how I'm doing but that isn't quite the same thing. There's no one else who is really part of it. I didn't expect that that would be a problem, quite the opposite.

Or maybe it's the fact that I have to be much more of a proactive people person than I know how to be. Going to chat rooms, commenting on blogs, and creating this persona for the business is difficult. I'm not really all that interested. I'm glad all these people are knitting and having fun but it doesn't hold my attention. I marvel at the long long lists of blogs people have on their own sites. I wonder how they can possibly have time to read all of them. It's a whole subculture and I feel out of step.

Or maybe it's the fact that I spend most of my time alone. I need to find more ways to get out and about. I've joined a knitting group but I think I need something that is not knitting related. This is another area where I feel out of my depth. I've always loved New York but now it seems too vast, and too expensive.

I know what you're thinking. It sounds like what I need is a partner. Someone who's as good at the public stuff as I am at the backstage stuff. A nice thought. But where do I find this person? Taking on a partner isn't like finding a knitting buddy. It's a serious step involving paperwork and people with briefcases. Perhaps instead of envisioning the business as successful I need to envision the perfect partner.

Now you want to know what I did to feel better. I made a decision. I'm going to get a job. I think it will solve several problems. And since I have some time to do it I'm going to get a job working for someone I can like. Some crunchy, tree-hugging, pinko, liberal place like the Lower East Side Ecology Center or channel Thirteen. Any and all suggestions gratefully accepted. We'll see what happens.

Warning: Self Doubt Ahead

I'm not sure if it's my stomach troubles or the lack of sunlight or something else, that has brought my darkness to the surface, but I feel empty. No ideas, no will, just a deep need to feel at peace, to feel content. One of the blogs I read is based in Lisbon, Portugal. The author and her husband just took a trip to Italy and Croatia. She had a bunch of pictures of Dubrovnik and Plitvice. They were beautiful pictures of places I've been and would like to go back to and all I could do was cry. I thought that by starting this business I would find my way. But it hasn't turned out that way. Oh, I know. It's early days yet, right? But I feel so tired, not in body but in spirit. I've always cherished my independence but I would give almost anything at this moment to be able to hand over the burden, to have someone just take care of all of it. I am filled with doubt. Not only that I can do this but that it is the right thing to do. I am wracked with a great longing for peace of mind but I don't know how to achieve it. I have tried to think positively and to live as if the business were successful. I try to be grateful every day for all that I do have but my mind rebels. I want someone to tell me what to do. I understand as I have never understood before why people seek to have faith in a higher power. I also can't help thinking that the answer is there if only I could see it, hold it in my hand. I suspect that some people would be surprised to know that I am in this state. It's odd for me too. I've always thought that I really knew who I was, that I was not defined by my job or by any other outside thing. But I'm no longer quite so sure about myself. Perhaps I need some help but from whom?
There. I'm done. And I'm going to resist the urge to delete it all and I will send it out into the Universe. As someone said, the Universe will provide. I must believe that is true.

FIXED!

The toilet is fixed, the toilet is fixed, the toilet is fixed!!! I am doing the happy dance around the house. New York Replacement Parts did not have what I needed but George Taylor Specialties (in SoHo) did. I had been there before a couple of years ago to buy a new stem piece for the hot water knob in my shower. I probably should have gone there first. No more gurgling! It's wonderful. I can barely stand it. Now I have to get the sink fixed. It is leaky as well and needs new fixtures. I have been procrastinating because there is no cold water shut off in my apartment or under the sink so I will have to get them to turn it off for the whole block of apartments. I hate to do it but I think it is necessary. It feels so good when something gets fixed.

Oddities

Happy Birthday Elvis and Stephen Hawking. Wouldn't that have been an interesting joint birthday party? Can you see it, a big bash at Graceland? Jailhouse Rock playing in the background while a seminar on astro-physics goes on down in the Jungle Room. I knew that Hawking had been diagnosed with ALS at an early age but I didn't realize that his doctors gave him only 3 years to live. Maybe they were confused and really meant to say 30 years. Not only did he become a well known physicist and author but he appeared on both Star Trek TNG and the Simpsons. That's when you know you've really made it.

Warning: Non Sequiter. Go here and check out the moose. Really. It's a moose farm in Russia. I really want one now but I don't think it would fit in my apartment even though I have de-cluttered. And the cats might not like it. I am thinking of getting some fish though. Fresh water. Any advice Alec?

Odd Priorities

I just finished watching Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2. It was TBS. They dubbed out all the swear words. I find that almost unbearably funny and unbearably sad.

Water Torture

For the last few months my toilet's been gurgling. It's a kind of torture really. As soon as I turn off the radio or the tv, there's the sound, drilling softly into my head. And if I got involved in something and forgot the noise for a while it always came back, louder than ever. The most annoying thing was that I couldn't figure out what was causing it. The gurgling was accompanied by a hissing sound so I thought maybe it was air traveling through the pipe. Then I took the flush valve apart and put it back together. The gurgle stopped. I was elated. But my victory was short lived. A couple of weeks later the gurgle was back. Then I discovered that if I blocked one of the holes in the bowl (the one leading to the water source) that the sound stopped but water started leaking from the rim holes. Proof that it was water leaking through the valve. But how? In an earlier effort to appease the toilet gods I'd bought my toilet a new diaphragm and new vacuum breaker. The offering was unsuccessful but I new that the parts were new and shouldn't be failing. Now, I was really trying to avoid calling a plumber. Who wants to pay a bunch of money for what might be a simple thing? So I posted on a plumbing site and got a couple of suggestions which weren't really useful. Then I went to this plumbing supply place on the upper east side. It's called New York Replacement Parts and that is just what it sells. It's one of two places in the city that sells parts for old fixtures. They can also custom make stuff for you. I thought I would ask their advice. They weren't able to help but a plumber who was there suggested that there might be a nick in the brass that the diaphragm sits on. This morning I took the nasty thing apart again. No nick in the brass. At least in that part. Turns out there is a tiny hole in the bottom chamber of the valve and the water is leaking through. And there's just no way to repair that. I'm going to have to buy a new valve. At least I know now.

Cleansing

I've been cleaning and getting rid of clutter. I know that it's a cliche at this time of year but I'm enjoying it. The yarn is now arranged in labeled boxes and is all in one place. No more huge boxes blocking the view. I'm also getting rid of a lot of stuff that I just never use. I'm a bit of a hoarder so I often keep things much longer than I should. I have a big bag of books ready to go to the library, a bag of clothes going to the Salvation Army, and old tapes to be recycled at Union Square this Sunday. I've also been really looking at the place. There's lots of stuff that really needs some love. Chipped and cracked paint, stains, cracked switch plates, etc.. After you've lived in a home for a while you get to the point where you stop seeing all those things you meant to fix when you first moved in. Every now and then you have to really look around, pretend you've never seen it before. You'll probably be horrified but then you can set about making it beautiful.
I'll be making a trip to the store for some spackle and paint as well as some fabric. I also have a brand spankin' new chair on its way here. I will post a picture as soon as it arrives. I can hardly wait.

On another topic all together I just saw a commercial for a new animated series to air on Spike. It's called Afro Samurai and stars (of course) Samuel Jackson. I can't wait for that either.

Brain Trouble

I discovered today that while good train karma is nice it will not save you when your brains turn to jelly causing you to forget important things. Like jury summonses. I had purposely left the summons out so that I would not forget. But somehow I didn't really grasp that today was the day. Not until 9:30 this morning. I was supposed to appear at 9am at 100 Centre Street for Grand Jury selection. I arrived at 10:45 and the court officers sent me away to 60 Centre to re-schedule. I suspect that if it had been a regular jury selection I would have stayed. Often there is no selection until the afternoon. But the Grand Jury is different. There is no voi dire. Jurors are picked randomly and serve a half day every day for 4 weeks. So I duly went to 60 Centre, which is the big building with columns that always appears in Law & Order (though it is the civil court), and into the Jury Commission. The nice lady behind the desk rescheduled me for the end of the month. I'm sad about that. I would rather have gotten it done this month but what can you do when your brains start leaking out of your ears? Like the man said, all's well that end well. When I get the next summons I must put it in Outlook and possibly hang a big sign on the wall that says, "Don't forget to go to court!"

Ringing in The New

Remember I wrote that the best New Year's parties involved sitting around with good friends and good food? That is just what the party at Lady Epiphany's was like. We ate yummy fried chicken and drank a bunch of wine and champagne. Karen took some pictures (I'm not sure why we let her do that. Probably post-prandial stupor). In the past year or so I have come to the sobering conclusion that I will never be a heavy drinker. Too much and my body just rebels and rejects the alcohol. This is not pleasant. I go straight from tipsy to huddled in the corner. Now I pace myself and have less than I think I can. This is paying off as I felt just fine last night and this morning. I also managed to have incredible train karma. The NJ Transit train was right on time and made it into Penn Station early. Then an A train showed up just as I got to the platform. This bodes well for the New Year.

New Year

Having the New Year begin on January 1 has always seemed artificial to me. There's no real change then. Of course, not everyone celebrates this as the true New Year. Many pagans regard Samhain which comes at the first full moon at the end of October as the end and the beginning. (In the old Celtic tongue it means end of summer and is the Gaelic word for November) The wheel of the year starts another revolution as nature settles down for its winter sleep in preparation for the rebirth that comes in spring. It is a time to commune with one's ancestors and to reflect on one's place in the cycle of life. The night is often devoted to divination. The Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah (the head of the year) was at sunset on September 22. Rosh Hashanah is a time for retrospection and prayer. For the Chinese the new year is yet to come. Like Samhain and Rosh Hashanah it is a lunar new year and will arrive on February 18, 2007. It will be the year of the pig, year 4705 in the Chinese calendar. It is a very important festival and often lasts for 14 days, from the darkest moon to the full moon. It is the time for feasting and spending time with family and friends.

I have never really liked the New Year's holiday. Most of the parties I went to had cheap champagne and seemed to be no more than an excuse to drink excessively and make a lot of noise. (The best parties were always the quiet ones, filled with good conversation and good food.) I have never gone to Times Square to see the ball drop. But I do share a need for optimism about the future. 2006 brought many changes to my life and I have great hopes for the year to come. I think I am most sympathetic with the pagan view. Winter is the time to make plans and to gather strength. The television has been filled with various commercials for weight loss plans, exercise equipment, quit-smoking programs, and organization products. Bring on the resolutions! But these are fleeting. My resolutions are not so specific. And they are resolutions for life, not just for the year. I will think positively about my life. I will appreciate all the wonderful things in my life. I will be kind to others. I will enjoy the abundance in my life and not think of what may be missing. I will not feel envious of others' good fortune but will wish them all the best.

May the future bring you joy and love. Happy New Year.

Rearranging

I have been trying to rearrange the furniture in my apartment. It's not going so well. I am limited by the fact that some of my shelves are attached to the wall and I really don't want to take them down and move them. I am beginning to suspect that I need to get rid of my chair-and-a half. It is comfy but has been mauled by the cats and is suffering from years of hard living.
Here is the arrangement of the moment. I don't think it works but I'm at a loss where to go. Try to ignore the pile in the right foreground.



The chair just doesn't seem to work there in the corner. And it leaves the desk and the table too close to each other. I had originally had the bed along the window wall but it cut off access to one of the windows. The desk was in the right corner and cut off access to that window. If I get rid of the big chair and replace it with something smaller I could move the desk further to the left or even swap the desk and chair. (I tried that already at the moment and the current chair does not work in the middle of that window wall.) The table would not seem so trapped in the corner then. The table used to be where the bed is now with the chair next to it. I've been staring at the current layout and just don't know where to go. Any suggestions?

Celebration

Last night I had dinner with a former co-worker at the Pit of Despair. Yesterday was her last day at the Pit so it was a celebration of that as well as of the holiday. We went to this cool little Indian place on 3rd Street called Leela Lounge. They have couches in front for the stated lounging and then tables for dining in the back. The food was very tasty and abundant so I had some to bring home.

We took the opportunity to exchange gifts. I gave her food and she gave me a magnetic frame with an image in it. It is a skull and crossbones on a black background and reads:
"Knit or Go Home". Nice. She also showed me a gift she'd received from our friend Jen. It's a book published by the Pantone people called Colorstrology. It assigns a particular Pantone color to each day of the year and lists characteristics of a person born on that day. You can go here and see what your day is. The book also has tear out cards at the back so you can take your day and month colors with you. April, my month, is mostly reds and oranges and pinks. What I found interesting is that my day is a calm blue in the middle of all the red. Hmmm. Eerie.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about various things including the Pit. She had no problem adjusting to the new system I helped to put in place (I knew she wouldn't) and could not understand why everyone else was unable to get the hang of it. I had to agree. While any new system can be difficult this one is pretty user friendly. I suspect that part of the problem is apathy. The Pit does not inspire going above and beyond the call of duty. In fact most of the staff go well below the call of duty, if they answer it at all. I think I've almost purged myself of it now. I only think of it in connection to my friends. And then it's to hope they get out soon. Maybe in the New Year I can stop thinking of it at all. There's a good resolution. I will let go of the Pit of Despair and never let it haunt me again. Much better than giving up chocolate.

We finally got sent out into the night as a private party began. When I looked at my watch I was amazed to see it was 11:30. We'd been there for 4 hours. I realized I had missed talking with someone whose mind works like mine. The cats are very cute but they fall short when it comes to conversation. I may take a class or find a book group to join so I can have more good talk.

May you all have a joyful holiday and very happy and abundant new year.

Bath Time

I used to take baths a lot. Long hot baths filled with bubbles. But in the last five years I've probably taken no more than 3. I suppose part of the problem is my bathroom. The bathtub itself is pretty good. I can lie almost full length in it so I am totally submerged. But the rest is troublesome. It's difficult to get the shower curtain out of the way and the ambiance is non-existent. I think I have this image in my mind of a full Roman bath - marble probably- with a great view out the picture window. A city bathroom just can't live up to that kind of thing. Then I got this stomach trouble and decided I needed to detox. Good hot baths are part of many detox plans. The idea is you sweat some and lose toxins right through the skin. Then you take a shower while giving yourself a little scraping with a loofah or some salt scrub. My need was great enough that I pulled out the old bath salts and ran myself a bath. I should have done it sooner. The shower curtain is still a problem but I think I can live with it. I light a candle, turn on some soothing music, and lean back into the steaming water. Nora is fascinated by the water. She sits on the tub edge and leans in a bit but she's not quite brave enough to stick a paw in. Just as well, I don't think she'd like it.

I may have to work on the bathroom a bit, make it a little more inviting. Perhaps I could paint the walls with a pastoral scene. I suspect I'll have to give up on the marble.

Go Ask Alice, I Think She'll Know...

Some of you may know that I've been having some stomach troubles. They began at the end of my tenure at The Pit of Despair. I found myself burping ... a lot. Now this was weird. I never have indigestion. I could eat 4 slices of pizza, a half a bottle of wine, and a cup of coffee with impunity. So this was upsetting to me. I thought that once I was away from the Pit and eating better that it would go away. Instead it got worse. By Thanksgiving it was truly annoying. There seemed to be a perpetual bubble in my esophagus and and odd tight feeling in my throat. I decided to do a little detox and at the same time started scouring the web for information. What I discovered is that modern medicine is no help at all for most digestive troubles. Unless there is something very specific, like the H.Pylori bacteria which causes ulcers, or cancer, they don't really have a good answer. They give you antacids and proton pump inhibitors and send you on your way. The holistic sites advocated detox and the trying betaine HCL which is stomach acid in pill form. Apparently too little acid can also cause heartburn and indigestion because the food does not get properly digested. The symptoms listed sounded like mine so I tried the HCL. That helped a bit but it's hard to get the dosage right. I then went to an acupuncturist/Chinese Medicine man. He diagnosed me as too hot and acidy. I needed to eat cooling foods and stay away from heating foods as well as from acidy foods like tomatoes and orange juice. Unfortunately this meant giving up garlic among other things. Harsh. He also prescribed some herbs in solution which were really foul. But I took them and had two acupuncture sessions. I was not feeling better, in fact I felt worse. I then remembered that my sister Alice had had some parasite trouble in her stomach and so I called her to find out what her symptoms had been. During the conversation it came out that she had a second stomach problem which involved lots of burping and gurgling in the stomach. She had gone to a doctor who had perscribed Prilosec. It helped but as soon as she stopped taking it the symptoms came back. So she took things into her own hands and started having a big piece of raw ginger every night after eating. That did it. The symptoms subsided quickly but she kept it up for a month to be sure. The problem has not returned and if ever she feels a little heavy in the stomach she has a piece of ginger. I had had some ginger tea and ginger candy but those had not been potent enough. Now, after three days of eating ginger after every meal I am starting to feel better. The bubble is not in my chest so much and I am burping less. I wish I had called her sooner before giving the acupuncturist a bunch of money.

Since then I have been reading up on Ayurveda (ginger is very important in Ayurveda). Like Chinese Medicine it looks for balance but it has different criteria and it takes the constitution of the individual into greater account. You can go here and find out which Dosha you are. Most people are bi-doshic with one dominant. I am a vata-pitta. And I think my vata is aggravated. The symptoms for that include gas and indigestion and increased impatience and worrying. Spot on. Ayurveda is concerned with agni fire which is your digestion. If your vata is aggravated the fire is damped and digestion is sluggish. Your food gets fermented and forms bubbles. I had felt that I had slowness rather than too much acid. I should have gone with my intuition. I have moved on to the new list of foods which happily includes ginger, garlic, and cheese. Hopefully if I continue to eat ginger I will be well by Christmas Eve when I am going to my cousin Beth's. They have lobster for dinner and she makes these cream cheese cookies that are to die for.

I should've asked Alice. Perhaps I will send her a little present as a thank you.

In the Mood

I'm finally feeling a bit Christmasy. Last night there was a group of carolers out in my neighborhood. I suspect them of being the local opera group. Their harmony was too good for the average bunch of people. They seemed to be having fun. I would have liked to join them but my singing would not be an asset. I don't seem to be able to stay on key. Or at least I don't think I can. I used to sing quite a lot as a child but you can get away with it when you're a kid. I've also been known to sing in a big crowd when I know I'll be drowned out. When I was in college I had to take Acting I and one of the anti-inhibition exercises was to sing in front of the class. I sang the theme to the Brady Bunch. By the end everyone was singing with me. Insidious.

I've also gotten some Christmas cards and have been planning my holiday baking. It's one of my favorite things, sitting down and poring over my cookbooks looking for recipes. I try to do new things each year although I do keep a couple of favorites around. And this year I'll have to remember to take pictures for you.

My next decision is whether or not to get a tree. I would like one but I have not idea how to fit one into my apartment at the moment. Maybe if I can find a really skinny tree. We'll have to see what the jolly tree man has in his pile. If nothing else I can spend some time inhaling that wonderful pine smell. That's how you know Christmas has come to New York City, the sidewalks sprout little bundled forests that you can smell a block away. They are as much a part of the city holiday as the windows at Saks and the tree lighting at Rockefeller Center.
Now I'm in the mood. Bring on the 'nog.

Realization

I know this will sound a bit odd but I came to the realization this morning that Christmas is only 10 days away. It doesn't seem right somehow. I haven't even planned the holiday baking yet. Tomorrow I am going to a concert at The Cloisters. It's a performance of Christmas music by the Waverly Consort. It should be very nice sitting in that beautiful place listening to music. In 1998 I was in Florence for Christmas and we went to a concert at The Duomo. You have to hand it to the Catholic Church. They made beautiful architecture and composed beautiful music. In fact, the traditional music is one of my favorite things about Christmas. I haven't broken out my Christmas cd's yet. I usually save them for baking and wrapping. They really do put me in the spirit. If anyone has any recommendations for holiday music pass 'em on. I usually get some new each year.

Progress

If you walk on 23rd street between 8th and 7th avenues you know that there was a Krispy Kreme there. It closed a little while ago and the space sat empty. It has a new tenant. "Burgers and Cupcakes". They've got a big pink awning that stretches out into the street. If you really love burgers and cupcakes you may want to go down now because they're hiring. And I bet employees get a discount. I suppose it was only a matter of time. Recently several burger restaurants have opened around town and cupcakes are the hot dessert. It makes sense that someone would combine them into one.

And now, a moment of silence for a wonderful actor and a really funny guy. Rest in Peace Peter Boyle. We'll miss you.

Kitchen Floor

Ok people. It's opinion time. I know not all of you have been in my kitchen or if you have it was only once years ago but that's ok. Put in your two cents anyway.

So here it is. As you may know there is some ugly carpet on my kitchen floor. In order to put tile in I would have to get the floor stripped by a professional and I don't have the cash for that at the moment. So I thought I would get some carpet squares from Flor. My walls are off white on one side and a sort of peachy orangey yellow fresco kind of thing on the other. The style is called House Pet and it comes in a bunch of colors. The two colors that seem best are red and a kind of burnt orange. Do I get only one color and if so which? Or do I mix them in a checkerboard or stripe?

Here is the burnt orange color. They call it Painted Turtle.



And here is the red. It, for some reason, is called Snake.



The Turtle matches the floor and the funky wall best but the red is kind of fun. What do you think?

The Holiday Season

I'm not sure if it's the warmish weather or the fact that I'm not behind a retail counter but it is not feeling like Christmas to me. This week the trees have appeared on the sidewalks and most of the stores out there have decorations up and Christmas carols blaring. And yet, I don't really feel it. The city seems kind of slow. The stores and the streets aren't as crowded as I think they should be at this time of year. It's as if the season is in a slump. Perhaps when we get closer to the 25th and I've begun my baking and wrapping I will feel the holiday. I've been debating whether or not to get a tree. It would have to be very small or at least very skinny as there is very little room to spare in my apartment. I thought perhaps I would get a wreath and hang the ornaments over the archway. I should start my Christmas cards too. I really want to enjoy this Christmas not spent fending off desperate shoppers. Perhaps I just have to get myself in the holiday mood and not rely on others to do it for me.

Kitties

I just had to post this picture. Usually I'm the only one to see how cute my kitties are so every now and then I have spread it around.

Feel the warmth.

Demotivation

The other day I wrote an email to this woman who has her own business knitting custom sweaters and dying yarn and fiber to sell. I asked her a question about her business and hoped she would not think it an imposition. She sent me an answer which was kind of her. However, part of her email was a bit disturbing. I had written that I had started my own online shop and had aspirations to dying my own yarn and fiber. She wrote back, "Good luck with your business. You have jumped into a pond that is getting more crowded all of the time." Now, why would you say something like that to someone? As if I wasn't worried enough that I'd missed the boat and was at least a year too late? Am I crazy? Have I taken a well meaning comment and turned it into something nasty without cause? Perhaps. Anyway, I had a nasty feeling for a while after that. It's gone now but I always have to be careful to tune out that rotten radio station that plays in my head, what Annie Lamott calls KFKD. I wish I could unplug it forever.

Sarah's Gift

My friend Lisa had a baby this year. So naturally I knitted a gift for her. I made a nice package, printed up some postage and sent it off Priority Mail. On my end everything went well. The package was sent and arrived in Atlanta 3 days later. That's when the trouble began. No one was home when the postman came so he left a slip. A few days later Lisa's husband signed the slip and put it back in their box so that the package would be redelivered. Nothing. No package. And when you have two children you do not have time to keep checking on the package. Finally, they called the post office. The post office couldn't find the package. And I'll tell you why. Because they had sent it back to me since it was unclaimed. What became of the signed slip? Who knows. So I sent the package again. This time I used Fed Ex and sent it to Lisa's husband's office. Success! To see the gift go and see my other blog here.

I have always had good experiences with the postal service though my own post office can be very slow if you have to wait on line. But as far as I know they have never lost anything or failed to deliver all my mail. I have never asked for re-delivery as it is easier to just go get it but I think it would be fine though it might take 3 days. I have been sending my store packages Priority Mail and they have arrived but the tracking is a little sketchy. I'd like to use FEd Ex but they are more expensive. We'll have to see what happens. It's hard when it all depends on the destination postal workers and how good they are at their jobs. There is no way to control that and as we know I don't like not having control over things. It's probably some kind of life lesson.

Full Belly

My family chose to celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday this year. My cousin Beth is a nurse and my cousin Wendy's husband is a fire fighter. They both had to work on Thursday and Friday so we got together on Saturday. It was our biggest party ever, I think. 19 people, 5 of them children. The dining room was certainly too small and a buffet didn't seem feasible either. So we set up in the garage. It worked out really well. We had two tables set perpendicular to each other and used every chair in the house including the plastic patio chairs. The kids ate in the kitchen, away from the crazy adults.

As for the food, it was pretty good. The turkey was especially tasty. And the desserts came out very well, even if I do say so myself (maple walnut pound cake & pumpkin chocolate tart). The kids partook of a 10 pound Toblerone bar that Uncle Mark brought. I have no idea where he found it. It was kind of scary actually.

We also had two non-family members with us. Our good friends Barb and her partner Robin. They're fabulous. They live out on the North Fork of Long Island. I may have to go for a visit next summer. I haven't been swimming in ages and Claudio's Restaurant has some of the best clam chowder and crab cakes I've ever had. Besides, I think they'd be a blast to hang out with for a couple of days. And the way time is flying by it will be summer in just a moment.

We adults spent much of the evening talking politics. We are cautiously optimistic and are really hoping that this is the turning of the tide. I think we're due for a change. I like to believe that there is new wind blowing, that this country's rampant consumption and total disregard for the rest of the world are diminishing. I have to think positive. It's either that or make plans to move to Iceland.

Positive Method

I don't know if any of you ever peruse the self-help aisle of the bookstore. One of the categories involves visualization and manifestation. The idea is, if you visualize a thing - really see it, every day- you will manifest that thing, attract it to you. It can be a relationship or a job or a house. Similarly, if you see only trouble that is what you will attract. What I found surprising is that this idea isn't really that new. It began with Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich (1937) and Norman Vincent Peale's The Power of Positive Thinking (1952). Both of these books advocate action and faith but the core idea is that your thoughts are the starting point, if you think a thing with conviction and faith and persistence it will come to be. Now, my genetic background is one of skepticism. I find it hard to let go of ruthless logic (a former co-worker used to call me Scully). However, in the face of the business I haveThe Power of Positive Thought decided to give it all a try. I will proceed as I would have, looking for opportunities and ways to get the word out but I will also do the visualizing and positive thinking. While it may not live up to the hype it can't possibly hurt. Besides, thinking that all is well and wonderful is much better than sitting about brooding about how things are not going as planned.

Here is someone who never troubles about the future. She is enjoying a toy I made for her.

Drilled

I had thought that the people working on the facade of my building were done with my side. Alas, I was in error. Today the drilling almost sent me over the edge. They were right under my window for about 2 hours. I was praying to anyone who might be listening to make them stop. I had a brief respite when I went to the store but when I returned they were still at it. It's like being trapped next to an enormous dental drill. Finally, after 4pm they stopped. I am fervently hoping that when they come back tomorrow there is no drilling.

But there is a bright spot in the day. A very fragrant bright spot. I made beef stew. It's in the oven right now. The whole house is redolent with it. Yum.

Problems

So, just two orders in I had a customer problem and it was my fault. (Sigh) It seems that in the checkout area of the cart it listed the shipping as USPS Priority 1 day. Now I would swear, on anything you'd care to name that it did say 2-3 days which is Priority Mail average time. I have no idea when or how it changed. The upshot was that my customer thought she was paying for overnight shipping and was miffed when she didn't get it overnight. I explained that it was a mistake and I refunded her shipping. Fortunately she didn't actually need it overnight and understood about computer glitches. So all's well that ends well and it was a relatively painless way to find the problem but still... What started out as a good day is now all icky. I certainly know that in retail you have customer problems but I really didn't want one quite so early on. But perhaps it's better this way. In any case, I can see that I will have to run through the process frequently to make sure there aren't any weirdnesses. (Sigh)

Frustration

I have been very fortunate in the apartments in which I've lived. Only in the first one did I have a roach problem. Since that place in back of Fenway Park I've lived pretty much bug free. Occasionally one might show up but that was it. This has held true in my current apartment. However, they've been doing work on the facade of the building for the past 5 months. The work involves drilling out worn bricks and installing new ones. This has resulted in more bugs. I can't really blame them. They sense the world through vibration and the drilling must be like the neighbors having the stereo on 10. They have been appearing sporadically, maybe once or twice a week. But in this apartment a bug has an incredibly short life expectancy. As soon as it comes out into the open the cats are on it. It's got no chance at all. Occasionally I will catch a cat with a bug in his/her mouth. Now, I know that these bugs don't carry disease but there is something just icky about the idea of the cat eating it. I suspect it's the stigma the roach carries. I wouldn't feel the same about a beetle or a moth. At any rate, I usually try to get the cat to drop the bug then I kill it quickly with one swift clog and toss it in the garbage. The poor cats then hunt around for the bug. They can smell it but it isn't where they left it. It must be very frustrating.

Park

After yesterday's deluge the sun came out in a brilliant blue sky. I went to the park and everything had that after the rain smell. I just stood there and inhaled deeply. The park was beautiful. The golden autumn light was made even more golden as it passed through the leaves. A gust of wind would come up and leaves would flutter to the ground like butterflies. Perfect.
Or almost. There's a problem I have that I've been trying to get rid of but I can't quite manage it. Two years or so ago a young Julliard student named Sarah was murdered in the park. Her family organized search parties and they found her about a week after she went missing. The worst thing about it was her death. She must have been terrified in those last moments. But the second worst thing is that her murderer became part of the park. He made himself a part of it. Now, the park wasn't perfectly safe before this. There are countless spots for people to lurk. In one spot there is a circle where fires have been lit and a lot of beer drunk. But it felt fine. After Sarah was found my behavior in the park changed. For a while I didn't venture further in. Then when I did I would keep looking behind me, listening to every little sound, hyper alert. And that is still true. I can't help thinking of what might be hiding in the forest and wondering what became of Sarah's killer. They haven't found him. Is he still here somewhere? Did he get arrested for something else or leave town? Did he die? And how does he feel? Powerful or horrible? I suppose this is the price for living among people. We do awful things to each other, often for no reason at all. I hope that one day I can walk under the trees and think only of the beauty and not of evil.

Victory-I Hope

I'm trying not to get my hopes up. We've taken back the House. Now we have to do something with it. I suppose we will still meet with a lot of opposition from the White House but we should be able to turn the tide a bit, don't you think? Please say yes. We've strayed so far from reason that it will be a long road back to some semblance of sanity. History teaches that things tend to swing back and forth. We are long overdue for the swing back to sense.

So, repeat after me: We will make a difference.

Say it every morning at it may turn out to be true.

Confession

Ok, the NaNoWriMo is not going so well. I've gotten stuck and I don't quite know where to go. I know the end, it's the middle that's the difficulty. And then there's the fact that my wrist still hurts when I type. After 1700 words it can really ache. It really seems like a bad idea to stress it out. We'll see if I can find my way through. Even if I do I may not make the 50,000 words by the end of the month but I'll have a start on the book. That's the important thing really. I have decided that I will not beat myself up over it. So there.

Colors

You remember the Purple Soup from the previous post? Of course you do. Well, I didn't eat all of it that same day so I refrigerated what remained. Last night, when I took it out to reheat, I discovered that it was a different color when cold.
This is the soup right out of the refrigerator.


And this is the soup after heating. Weird.


I needed some new jeans so I took myself to the Housing Works Thrift Shop. And in a miracle of biblical proportion found two pairs that fit pretty well. One is slightly gapey in the waist and if I were buying them new at full price I probably would have rejected them. But I paid only $12 a pair so I took 'em and counted myself blessed. You can't beat that price with a stick. I also found a pair of boots. I know, I have lots of shoes and boots. But these were only $15 and they're BLUE!
Here they are in all their glory.


And here is Nora with the boots. She loves shoes almost as much as I do.



NaNoWriMo begins today. I will try to keep you posted.

Soup

One of my favorite things about the colder weather is that it is perfect for soup. You could have a different soup every day and never repeat. Anyway, there was some beautiful purple cauliflower at the farmers' market this past weekend so I bought it and turned it into Purple Cauliflower Soup. As you can see, it came out a lovely lavender color.


I would have liked it to be darker, like the original cauliflower but I made it with milk and potatoes. Maybe I'll try it just with broth and potatoes next time and see how that comes out.

Not 300 But Rearranged

My friend Lady Epiphany has put up her 300th post. I am humbled. That's ok. By the end of November I will have a novel written. May not be very good, but it will be a novel.

I spent yesterday rearranging my home. I live in a studio so the choices are limited but every now and then I like to change things around. It's a lot of work since I do it alone. I have to take all the books out of the bookshelf, all the drawers out of the dresser, all the files out of the filing cabinets, and so on. At the end of it all I am happy with one change and unsure about another. I will just have to live with it for a while and see if it works. I did attempt a bit of Feng Shui but it is difficult in a studio. For example, my success direction is south and my desk should face that way. But it just didn't work. But it does face in one of 4 auspicious directions. One can see that if one were serious about Feng Shui it would be very difficult to make it all work unless you could build from scratch. Especially because your home has its own auspicious directions which, ideally, should match yours. Sadly I am at odds with my home- I am east and it is west- but one advisor feels confident that that is okay as long as the main entrance to the room matches the house, with in fact it does. So it's okay. I don't have to move. I know, you were worried for a moment there.

Back to It

I got back to the spinning wheel today. It's been months, possibly a year since I last used it. And man it shows. I have decided to start from scratch, relearning it. Fortunately I have the Alden Amos book on spinning. If you have any notions of going out and buying a wheel I recommend this book. It's serious. Everything from preparing raw fiber to a discussion of wheels to finishing. And written with humor. I know that you Muggles think it's a bit nuts spinning in this day and age when you can get almost any yarn for yourself but there is something very special about spinning your own. You feel pretty darn good. Like the first time you bake a whole cake from scratch. It's a very real, tangible thing that you accomplished. When I was at the fair this past weekend I saw some expert spinners from a guild. Amazing what they can do.
And it doesn't escape me that it is just a touch ironic, like spending tons of money on candles. A hundred years ago they welcomed electricity and women everywhere were more than happy to buy store bought clothes. Hand made items became the province of the poor and now they are a luxury. No one who works two jobs to put food on the table is going to take the time to knit a sweater by hand, unless she really loves the labor. And that is partly what makes these things so precious, the time that is put into them along with the sweat and occasional tear. They are a labor of love, even if it is only our love for the craft. Most crafters do like to give though. We even give when we know the gift will not be properly appreciated. Because that doesn't matter, or it shouldn't. We give because we want to, because we can't help ourselves.

Crazy Idea

I have returned from the Sheep and Wool Festival with my bank account in tact. For those of you interested in what went on, proceed to The Skein Blog tomorrow. I will include one picture here.

How's that for a fab do?

I know, you want to know what the crazy idea is. It all started with Lady Epiphany. If you've read her most recent post you know she has joined NaBloPoMo. National Blog Posting Month. The upshot is that you post every day in November and you can win a customized blog banner as well as some hosting. But if you follow the link and go to the NaBloPoMo site they tell you that they are based on NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. That particular insanity is a group of people who write a novel in 30 days. 50,ooo words in 30 days. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be Pulitzer material. Quantity is more important than quality. Those of you who have been with me from my first post know that I had intentions of writing some fiction here. This has not been the case. As any writer knows, writing is work. And I have been a lazy butt and not done any work. So in order to kick start myself I have joined NaNoWriMo. We'll see how it works out. The business is likely to be a bit slow now in the beginning so hopefully there will be time. And maybe I can get out to some writer events so I don't go stir crazy and start writing "All work and no play makes Plaid Sheep a dull girl" over and over. This may mean that this blog suffers from neglect but I will try to keep you up to date on the insanity. Wish me luck, I think I may need it.

Day One

Here we are at the end of day one of the business. I feel a bit odd, sort of hyped up. I think it's the anti-climax. Now, understand, I didn't expect an order on the first day. But somehow I don't quite know what to do with myself. For the last several weeks I have been focused on the day I was going to go live. And now it's here and I feel as if the ride has stopped suddenly and I've been slammed back by the seat belt. It's a whole new life, one I've never lived before. I have to find my way and it is daunting. I also know I need to have positive thoughts. I can't think: "What will I do if it tanks? Or is slow? I could get a part time job to fill in the holes." No. I must proceed as if it will all work out or else it won't. I have to be all there. And really, I'm not in extreme financial danger. I have resources that will help me if I am in need. I won't lose the apartment. And yet.... I suspect that I doubt myself, doubt that I have the creativity and the drive to make it work the way I want it to work. And although I have had help and a lot of support (thank you all) still I feel very alone. More alone than I think I have ever felt. This is the real challenge. Not the details of the business, but the labor of getting past my own insecurities and self-limitations. My magnum opus. Now on day one.

Almost There

I know, it's been some time since I posted. It's been a busy time, dealing with all the last minute details before the business goes live. I've taken a ton of pictures then cropped and sized them and uploaded them. Tedious but educational. I've been discovering the bugs in my shopping cart software. Well, not bugs exactly, but things that don't make sense. More education. I am very grateful that my personality tends to optimism and cheer. I'm told that I was a cheerful child and I think I've managed to hang on to my even temper. This has been invaluable during this business start up. I am a perfectionist but a cheerful one. And I am learning to let things go. They are not as important as they once were.

I read Robert Brezny's horoscope each week. It's always amusing and frequently apt. This week he says:
"According to the Midwest Book Review, David Foster Wallace's 1,088-page book Infinite Jest is "perhaps the most innovative novel in the English language since James Joyce's Ulysses." The Review of Contemporary Fiction calls Infinite Jest a vast comic epic, adding that it's "so brilliant you need sunglasses to read it." On the other hand, critic Dan Schneider (Cosmoetica.com) believes *Infinite Jest* "might be the worst novel ever written." I expect that there will be a similar diversity of opinion about you and your efforts in the coming week, Aries. My advice? Ignore everyone's assessment but your own and that of the person who knows you best."

Sound advice.

Outing

Yesterday I met two friends at the New York Botanic Garden. We had tickets for the Chihuly exhibit that is there at the moment. If you don't know who Chihuly is go here. He's a glass artist whose work is very organic. It often resembles plants or sea creatures. In this case they placed a bunch of his pieces in and around the garden. The ones in the Haupt Conservatory were lit up after dark. It was beautiful. If you live in the NYC area and can get there, go, before October 29th when the exhibit ends.
This piece is called The Sun. It weighs 4600 lbs and is made up of about 1000 pieces. It took 6 people 4 days to assemble it.


After wandering open-mouthed through the exhibit and deciding that we must take glass blowing lessons, we adjourned to Arthur Avenue.

Arthur Avenue is the Little Italy of the Bronx. It still has some of that old neighborhood feel that the Manhattan Little Italy has lost; it was buried in tourist traps and an ever expanding Chinatown. We went to a place called Mario's. It was perfect. I fully expected Nicky the Nose and Charlie Stubs to show up to meet the Don. The place was filled with neighborhood families, the air redolent of garlic and olive oil. Our waiter too was perfect, just the right New York accent and ready with a smile. We ate too much and laughed a lot. The perfect end to a beautiful day.

So, if you should find yourself on Arthur Avenue, go to Mario's and have the Spaghetti with White Clam Sauce (or the Fettuccine Alfredo-it's a tough call), the Tiramisu and a cappuccino. And say hello to Nicky the Nose for me.

So close...

It's done. Well, almost. One last short training session and I will be done with the Pit of Despair. The move was a horror. An absolute and complete balls up. Everything that could go wrong did. The store still doesn't have its real lighting and is lit mostly by construction lights-you know, bulbs in yellow plastic cages. Classy. The computers still aren't all over there although they should be by the end of the week. No inventory has been done so who knows what the store really has. The newest emergency is that they (that's right, they, not we) have to be out of the old store by the end of the month. The new tenants want in. Amazingly the place has already been taken. By Nike. I have high hopes they will do a good job renovating. The place could be gorgeous with some care and attention. At the very least they need to gut the rear end and replace the bathrooms.

On the business front we are approaching Zero Hour. The site is almost done. Now comes the entering of the data and the images. I have to take a bunch of pictures. Think good thoughts for me that they come out well. Then it will be time to crack a bottle of champagne across the bow and let her go out into the wide world. My heart's all a-flutter. Or maybe that's the butterflies in my stomach. Don't worry. I'll let everyone know when happens.

Today's Items

The evil day has come. The cats have discovered the toilet paper. I knew it was coming when I found the roll edge hanging down to the floor with claw holes in it. I came home this evening to find the whole thing unrolled and lying in a pile on the floor. I sat down on the edge of the tub and laughed and laughed. I suppose if it keeps happening it won't be so funny. I'll have to try hiding it behind a towel (the towel bar is right above).

The Pit of Despair continues its move. A mess. A total and complete mess. How we are going to open on Thursday is beyond me. The cash register area still doesn't have power or data ports. And there is dust covering everything. If we turn the computers on in the dust bowl all the hard drives will be clogged in an hour. But there is no reasoning with the big cheese. To give you a clear example of what we are dealing with: the owner asked that we flatten the paper stuff had been wrapped in so it would take up less space in the garbage. Three days to opening, stuff is still not all out, computers not installed, and he is concerned about paying a bit extra to the garbage company. I am not making this up.

But there was a very bright spot in an otherwise annoying day at The Pit. Today a former co-worker of ours came in to work for the day. He is very kind and always brings candy when he comes. Yesterday he went to the ComicCon. While there, far away from the Pit, he bought a calender featuring a Star Trek character and had her sign it for me. (He knows I am a Trek fan). How incredibly sweet and thoughtful is that? I can hardly stand it. I think it's his mother's influence. She is an impossibly elegant and charming woman. The kind who can walk into a 5 star hotel that she's never been to before and have the entire staff at her beck and call as soon as she steps in the door. You couldn't possibly grow up around her and be anything but gracious.

2996 Tribute

Five years ago today we all experienced a great tragedy. We can still hear and feel its echoes today, especially those of us who live in New York City for we have a physical reminder of that day. The workers at Ground Zero did an incredible job and now only a neat hole remains. It looks like any other construction sight. Unless you know what was there before. The Towers stood for almost all of my life, they were a fixture, ever present. Every now and then when I pass the site I still experience a moment of disbelief that they are gone. Even so, I was fortunate. The one person I knew who worked in the Towers got out early on that day, even before the second plane hit. Others were not so lucky. There are 2996 names inscribed on the memorial. This entry is a tribute to one of the fallen.

Laura Marie Ragonese-Snik was 41 years old in 2001. She was born on August 29, 1960. Wife of John, mother of James. Every workday she commuted from Bangor, PA to her job at Aon Corporation. She loved to laugh and she loved to sing and would jump at the chance to perform, be it in church or on a karaoke stage.

Though Laura lived in Bangor she was a New Yorker. She went to John Jay High School in Brooklyn. There she met her best friend and future sister-in-law Maria, a.k.a. Reasy. In 2001 they had been friends for 27 years. And they still are. Maria and Laura's family have created a non-profit organization called Laura's Angels. Maria wrote: "A very powerful author, Anna Quindlen wrote: “Sometimes the lights go on for the darkest possible reason.” That is, in essence, what happened to me after the events of 9/11. The choice was before me; I could either sink into the darkness and despair that threatened to consume me at every turn, or I could find a way to do something positive in the name of our loved ones. With the help of my close friend, Diane DeWitt, I chose the latter, and that is how “Laura's Angels” came to be."

It began on the first Christmas after 9/11. Maria and her friend Diane decorated a tree with hand made angels. They asked each of Laura's family members to take one as reminder of Laura. To Maria's surprise the angels did not get packed up with the other ornaments in January. They stayed out and provided comfort to Laura's family. Maria decided to extend the gift to all those who had lost someone on September 11 and Laura's Angels was born. Each year at Christmas a tree is chosen and decorated with 3000 angels, one for each person lost on that day so that we never forget them. Maria has plans for Laura's Angels. She hopes to create a network for families and survivors and to work on a permanent memorial.

All of the letters and tributes to Laura speak of her as a bright joyful person. Think of her then in joy. Remember her life and keep peace in your heart. Spread it around so we never have to lose another life to hate and ignorance.


Laura's Quilt Square

To read other tributes please go here.

At Long Last

It has finally arrived, The Pit of Despair's last day in its current location. The hoards have been out looking for bargains and yesterday they were buying everything. It's amazing what people will buy if they think its a bargain. Even so, they won't have bought enough. There will still be much to pack up, a lot of it breakable.

Picture it: piles of merchandise and mountains of boxes, huge rolls of bubblewrap careening around the floor as the staff work to wrap it all up. The manager has set up a system to keep it all in order and woe betide the employee who forgets to label a box. The system is on a spreadsheet, a thing of beauty in itself, that should probably get framed and stuck up on the wall in the new store. But we know the best laid plans of mice and men...

Pray for us, gentle reader.

Home Stretch

We have reached the part of my work project that I was dreading. I must hand the system over to the masses. The people at the top have not bothered to play with the system to learn how it works. And they are not the sort of people who can extrapolate from previous experience. They also cannot problem solve. We bought our new system from a dealer. The dealer rep who has been training us is very sad that I am leaving. He likes me because I have hardly needed him at all. I can read a manual and I can learn from trial and error so I have not called unless I really could not find the answer. He knows that once I am gone he will be called on to deal with the masters of The Pit. I do not have a lot of sympathy. He makes much more money than I do.
Anyway, I am training people as best I can. They will learn what they will. Eventually I will be gone and they will have to fend for themselves. At least the sales staff will be able to function and the floor managers will know what to do. They do know how to learn.
On the positive front I got the hourly rate I wanted for my work once my official time as an employee has ended. It was a bit like pulling teeth or prying something from a body in rigor but I did it. I feel pretty good about that. For one brief shining moment I will actually get what my work is worth. Yay me.

Business

When I started this blog I'd intended to chronicle the start of my business. I haven't really been doing that, mostly because it isn't all that interesting. There have been some trials and tribulations with the website, troubles with ordering because a number of vendors are unwilling to sell to web only stores, clerical work, and cooing over product that has arrived. I find that as the time gets closer when I will leave my job completely and plunge fully into this business that I am swinging between idea filled optimism and stomach tightening anxiety over the state of my financial future. Open any good book of quotes and you get all sorts of pithy sayings about challenges being the spice of life and how being comfortable means that you should move on. All I have to say to that is hah! I've been told that in a year I will wonder what I was worried about and I really hope that turns out to be the case. But whatever happens it is true that I can look myself in the eye each day and I don't have to go around seeing myself in a bad light. (We all know how I hate doing that.) May all the gods of new businesses smile on me.

Change

I have been fiddling with my blog template and have actually managed to make some decent changes in spite of the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. Fortunately Blogger lets you preview any html changes before saving. I still have to figure out the outer margins and change some colors, including the background. I probably need to look at some books so I can find the right code to change. Anybody got a recommendation for a good HTML book?

Host

Different Views

Following Lady Epiphany's lead I set up a Johari window with links in my previous post. Only one person followed the link. But that was interesting enough. The window has you pick 5 or 6 adjectives to describe yourself and then others can pick too. In the window you see the two lists. Out of the 6 that I and my visitor picked, only one was duplicated. In Lady Epiphany's window only 2 are repeated (she had 3 visitors). I find that fascinating. We see ourselves differently from how others see us. We think we know what sort of image we present to the world but in reality we have no idea of how that image is perceived. And then of course there's the fact that we are often hyper-critical of ourselves. Perfectionists out there will recognize the problems inherent in holding ourselves to a higher standard than we hold anyone else. We need to learn give ourselves a little slack and to accept praise when it comes to us.