Reasons

Kind of heavy wasn't it, that last post. I wish I could say it was also cathartic. It was liberating, for someone like me who usually keeps things very close to the vest. But cathartic? No. I have done something which did make me feel better but more on that later.

I was very excited a few months ago as the business went live. I expected that I would remain excited but I haven't. Having spent some time thinking about it I've come up with several possible reasons for this.

Maybe it's the fact that I have no way to share the business. Oh, family and friends are interested and want to know how I'm doing but that isn't quite the same thing. There's no one else who is really part of it. I didn't expect that that would be a problem, quite the opposite.

Or maybe it's the fact that I have to be much more of a proactive people person than I know how to be. Going to chat rooms, commenting on blogs, and creating this persona for the business is difficult. I'm not really all that interested. I'm glad all these people are knitting and having fun but it doesn't hold my attention. I marvel at the long long lists of blogs people have on their own sites. I wonder how they can possibly have time to read all of them. It's a whole subculture and I feel out of step.

Or maybe it's the fact that I spend most of my time alone. I need to find more ways to get out and about. I've joined a knitting group but I think I need something that is not knitting related. This is another area where I feel out of my depth. I've always loved New York but now it seems too vast, and too expensive.

I know what you're thinking. It sounds like what I need is a partner. Someone who's as good at the public stuff as I am at the backstage stuff. A nice thought. But where do I find this person? Taking on a partner isn't like finding a knitting buddy. It's a serious step involving paperwork and people with briefcases. Perhaps instead of envisioning the business as successful I need to envision the perfect partner.

Now you want to know what I did to feel better. I made a decision. I'm going to get a job. I think it will solve several problems. And since I have some time to do it I'm going to get a job working for someone I can like. Some crunchy, tree-hugging, pinko, liberal place like the Lower East Side Ecology Center or channel Thirteen. Any and all suggestions gratefully accepted. We'll see what happens.