Day One

Here we are at the end of day one of the business. I feel a bit odd, sort of hyped up. I think it's the anti-climax. Now, understand, I didn't expect an order on the first day. But somehow I don't quite know what to do with myself. For the last several weeks I have been focused on the day I was going to go live. And now it's here and I feel as if the ride has stopped suddenly and I've been slammed back by the seat belt. It's a whole new life, one I've never lived before. I have to find my way and it is daunting. I also know I need to have positive thoughts. I can't think: "What will I do if it tanks? Or is slow? I could get a part time job to fill in the holes." No. I must proceed as if it will all work out or else it won't. I have to be all there. And really, I'm not in extreme financial danger. I have resources that will help me if I am in need. I won't lose the apartment. And yet.... I suspect that I doubt myself, doubt that I have the creativity and the drive to make it work the way I want it to work. And although I have had help and a lot of support (thank you all) still I feel very alone. More alone than I think I have ever felt. This is the real challenge. Not the details of the business, but the labor of getting past my own insecurities and self-limitations. My magnum opus. Now on day one.