Commandment 4

4. Spend out a.k.a. Avoid Sunday Best Syndrome

Why is it that we like to save things for special occasions? The good china, the crystal glasses, the pretty blouse; we hide them away most of the time, saving them for who knows what. It is true, if you use something it may wear out or get broken or get used up. I have vanilla beans in my cupboard. I've had them since well before Christmas, waiting for the best recipe to use them in, not wanting to waste them. It's kind of a silly notion. After all, if I leave them in the cupboard so long that they lose their potency then I really will have wasted them. Same goes for pretty clothes. The hand knitted sweater may not last for years and years if I wear it a lot but I will have enjoyed it much more throughout its life. Why should my normal day not merit wearing a cashmere sweater, why should my every day dinner not be worth the beautiful china? Where did this come from? I blame my parents. For once, they may actually be responsible. Of course they are the product of their parents and so on. Generations of hard working souls who saved for a rainy day or for their retirement, denying themselves during most of their lives so that the end would be safe. I'm all for saving something for the future but also for spending some money now on things that make your spirit lift; drinking your wine out of a hand blown glass, silk lingerie, and soft sheets. I don't need two houses, three cars and a yacht, just some little things that bring beauty and flavor to life. Spend Out.

On a related topic, here is some more pizza on the olive oil dough and a loaf of Broa, Portuguese corn bread.

Mmmmm, cheese.

Happiness is fresh baked bread. Because this is so true I am going to make all the different breads in the Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day, one per week. I'm not doing them in order since that would result in my eating only flatbreads for several weeks. (One friend of mine asked me, "Why would you need anything but flatbread?" but I do think I should skip around.) I have already made several recipes (the semolina is my favorite so far) and today I baked some pizza using the olive oil dough. Not bad. For the tomato sauce I used Fairway's Roasted Garlic Pasta Sauce (very tasty) and for the mozzarella I used my own. That's right, I made mozzarella. It's actually pretty easy though it does require a couple of items you won't find at the local grocery. If you want to make your own go check out the New England Cheesmaking Company. It turned out pretty decent for a first try. I think I need some practice but that should not be a problem. It does use a lot of milk. A half gallon makes about 8 oz of cheese. The rest is whey. If I had not accidentally spilled the whey down the drain I could have used it to make ricotta. I will do it next time and report back.

"But above all things, truth beareth away the victory"

Even before I began my Happiness Project I knew that there were lots of books on the subject. Many can be found at the local Barnes and Noble. However, wishing to avoid bankruptcy and loss of living space I went to the library. Or more accurately, I went to the library's online catalog. I typed in happiness under the "subject" search and got over 200 results. Some of my favorite titles include: "Taming the Gremlin", "I'd Rather Laugh", "The Joy Diet", and "Money Can Buy Happiness". I requested several titles one of which is already available for pick up. I love the library. In fact, I can say that the library makes me happy. It's an ancient idea, going back even beyond the legendary library at Alexandria. Here in the U.S. there was a town library in Boston as early as 1636 (the current Boston Public Library was founded in 1852) and Ben Franklin created the first subscription library which allowed people to buy shares in the library. The money raised was used to buy more books. Libraries funded by taxpayers were created by Andrew Carnegie who's foundation financed the building of almost 1700 libraries. Thank goodness for all of them. I especially like small town libraries. They don't have a giant collection but they have charm and grace and they really smell like books. You can curl up in a corner and disappear into the pages of a novel. It's not so easy at the Mid-Town branch of the New York Public Library. It's filled with fluorescent lights and plastic chairs and way too many people. But don't get me wrong, it's wonderful too, just for the sheer number of books and other materials available, about 7 million items total in 86 branches. Even this number is dwarfed by the Library of Congress, considered to be the largest library in the world. It holds 138 million items including books, maps, sheet music, and manuscripts. According to their website they add 10,000 items to the collection a day. Amazing.

New York Public Library Main Branch

Commandment 3

The next commandment on my list is short, sweet and really hard.

3. Let it go.

My brother-in-law can make a decision or a choice and regardless of how it turns out he does not revisit it over and over.  I would pay real money to be able to do that.  I love to replay things in my head, trying out different scenarios, as if by sheer force of persistence I could change how things turned out.  This is one of those places where evolution took a wrong turn. What possible use to the species is this kind of self-torture?  And I know I'm not the only one. This is a frequent topic of conversation with people I know: how do you let the mistake or the wrong choice or the bad relationship go?   It's not that I hold grudges.  I have very little trouble forgiving others for their mistakes (except in one or two instances).  But my own errors?  They follow me around like some kind of deranged puppy, begging for my attention.  Those unproductive thoughts are particularly obstinate if my mistake or bad decision affected someone else.  I am in favor of learning from mistakes but this kind of gerbil-on-a-wheel thinking is not helpful.  I must repeatedly remind myself: Let It Go.  I have gotten a tiny little bit better at it.  

Similarities

In the continuing pursuit of my happiness project I've been doing some reading. Yesterday I was leafing through a short compilation of the writings of Marcus Aurelius who was a Stoic. These days the word stoic conjures up a stone faced guy with a stiff upper lip and no discernible emotions in the face of tragedy. In fact, the Stoics were really the Buddhists of the West. For example, Buddhism embraces the idea that nothing is permanent, and that forming attachments and giving in to cravings creates suffering. Marcus Aurelius wrote:

Why should anyone be afraid of change?
What can take place without it?
What can be more pleasing or suitable to universal Nature?

and

Of the life of man the duration is but a point, its substance streaming away, its perception dim, the fabric of the entire body prone to decay, and the soul a vortex, and fortune incalculable, and fame uncertain. In a word all things of the body are as a river, and the things of the soul as a dream and a vapour; and life is a warfare and a pilgrim's sojourn, and fame after death is only forgetfulness.

and

Everything existing is already disintegrating and changing... everything is by nature made but to die. The length of one's life is irrelevant, for look at the yawning gulf of time behind thee and before thee at another infinity to come. In this eternity the life of a baby of three days and the life of a Nestor of three centuries are as one. To desire is to be permanently disappointed and disturbed, since everything we desire in this world is empty and corrupt and paltry.

Buddhists (and yogis) use meditation and mindfulness to heighten awareness and turn the mind into an ally. Marcus Aurelius wrote:

Concentrate on the mind, your ruler: you are old; it's time to stop your mind acting like a slave, pulled puppet-like by the strings of selfish desires.

and

Stay here in the present. Recognize what is happening to you.

I think Stoics and Buddhists would have gotten on very well.

One of my favorite thoughts so far:

Not becoming like your enemy is the best revenge.

I wish someone had told the former White House administration.

Commandment 2

You'll like this one.

2. Never take anything too seriously (especially yourself)

I often tell people that I have to make a wise-ass remark periodically or I start to feel uncomfortable. It's true. Humor is a necessity, right up there with breathing and eating. I can joke about pretty much anything. If you find someone who can't laugh at themselves, look out. Every now and then I catch myself falling into seriousness, into the kind of mind set that creates maudlin journal entries and can generate self-pity making life much harder than it needs to be. It's only life for goodness sake, lighten up. If people laughed more the world would be a better place. And I don't mean giggling or evil mustache-twirling or a polite little chuckle. I mean the full-on, tears-down-the-face, belly-shaking laughter. Never mind fiber, we are not getting our full RDA of laughter. I work in a place that is all about self-discovery, peace, and enlightenment. People expect serenity and flower-power thinking. I don't really fit those expectations. One person who comes there told me she really liked the juxtaposition of my black, cynical humor with this place of serious peace. Excellent (hands rubbing together). This commandment should be pretty easy. Which is good because most of the others are Herculean. Really. Would I kid you?

Commandments

Part of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project is a list of commandments she created for herself. This seemed like a fine idea so I am adopting it. Furthermore, I am co-opting her first commandment as my own. The rest of my list is not in any particular order but this first one is definitely the most important.

1. Be Plaid Sheep.

Seems simple enough, be myself. But it isn't simple at all. I don't know about you, but I sometimes wish I could be different, that I liked loud crowded parties or that I didn't feel responsible for every last damn little thing. But it's never going to happen. Sure, I might develop a taste for the occasional Bacchanalia or walk away from a problem without solving it but I'm never going to turn into Mame. Nor would I really want to. (Well, maybe just once in a while.) The only sensible thing (and lord knows I'm sensible) is to just be me as well as I can. Wish me luck.

New Project

I found a new blog today. New for me, that is. It's called The Happiness Project and is written by Gretchen Rubin. I recommend it. Today's entry is particularly good - it's a quote from Simone Weil. I've had an abiding interest in the topic of happiness. It seems such an elusive thing. The Oxford English Dictionary has 4 definitions.
The main one: The quality or condition of being happy.
1. Good fortune or luck in life or in a particular affair, success, prosperity.
2. The state of pleasurable content of mind, which results from attainment of what is considered good.
3.Successful or felicitous aptitude, fitness, suitability or appropriateness, felicity.

Their definitions of happy are:
1. Coming or happening by chance, fortuitous chance.
2.Having good "hap" or fortune, lucky, fortunate, favored by lot, position or other external circumstance.
3. Characterized by or involving good fortune, fortunate, lucky, prosperous.
4.Having a feeling of great pleasure or content of mind, arising from satisfaction with one's circumstances or condition. Glad, pleased.
5.Successful in performing what circumstances require, apt dexterous.
6. Slightly drunk.

It's also a verb, to make someone else feel good-to happy.

I think that's quite interesting. Many people would put #4 as the primary definition, with outside circumstances being important. Buddhists would say that's the wrong way to look at it. They view happiness as something that comes from within, that you create it by giving up attachment and aversion, by coming to see that the self is not real, that one is part of the whole and that working for the good of others before yourself is the way. And Aristotle would like #5 best. He thought one could not call oneself happy until reaching the end of life and seeing that it was well and virtuously lived.

I reject the simplistic view. I think happiness arrives by many roads. Some internal, some external. It's not that I think that money can buy happiness. But money is important, it is. I don't need mountains of it, 4 houses, 3 cars and a yacht. But money is necessary to maintain oneself. To eat, to wear clothes, to have a roof over ones head. I have always rejected the notion (popular in many religions) that this earthly existence is not important. To me that's just silly. If it's not important why have it at all? Is God the first producer of reality TV? I don't believe it. If the physical world is just a way station why are orchids so beautiful, why does fresh bread smell so wonderful, why can music transport us? Nor can it be that it is only a test, a job to complete. I also reject the reductionist view that we are nothing more than a bunch of cells determined to reproduce and that all our feelings and dreams and struggles with faith and happiness are nothing more than evolutionary by-products.

Recently I had a short conversation with a practicing Catholic. I didn't know she was until part way through the conversation. I admit, I was surprised. She is a museum educator, sophisticated, liberal in her convictions. Her husband is a well known physics professor and though he is not as involved as she, he does not see a contradiction in his study and his faith. I was forced to look at my own prejudices, my own ideas about what a Catholic or Christian is like. She told me that she had grown up Catholic, had tried other Christian churches and found them wanting. She missed the liturgy, she said and though she did not accept everything it was the best place. She asked me what I believed. I told her I believe the universe is a living thing, a giant organism that we are all part of, like cells in the body. There is no real thought here, no ultimate purpose but there is connection, cause and effect. The butterfly's wings may indeed cause a storm. Can we ever really know? I also agree with Shakespeare that there is more to the universe than is dreamt of in our philosophy. I avoid certainty. I think it's dangerous. I prefer the person who has doubts, questions, an open mind. Look out for those who are certain, they are full cups, unwilling to bend or admit the possibility that there is more than one way to see things, that many roads may lead to the same place.

I've digressed a little, just a little, from the topic of happiness. As you probably surmised from the title of this post I am beginning my own happiness project. I'll keep you posted on how its going.

Good Choices

I've been reading a book this week that I want to send to everyone in this country. I especially recommend it to all of you bread-baking, tomato sauce-canning, home brewers. It is Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. I tried to read The Poisonwood Bible once but I just couldn't get into it. This is way better. She and her family moved to Appalachia and lived for one year (and beyond) on local food, mostly what they grew themselves. The one caveat I have is DO NOT read this on an empty stomach or with an empty larder. It may also induce a desire to run out and buy canning equipment and get thoughts about where one could build a bread oven.
It is also part of an interesting synergy I've experienced in the past two weeks.
It began with the sauerkraut. Shortly after I started my batch I decided that it would be great to join a CSA (community supported agriculture). There is one in my neighborhood but the shares are large, much too large for one person. Also, the pick-up is on a weekday between 4 and 7. I could not be certain of getting there on time every week. But the internet was there for me and I found a CSA directory. Turns out there are more than a dozen CSA's in New York City. There is one right by my work. It has smaller shares and is also organic. I found out about it just in time to take advantage of the early bird price. Now I began to think that what I needed was some other fermentation recipes. This led me to a book called Wild Fermentation by Sandor Katz. He lives on a commune in Tennessee. The book has not only pickling but recipes for miso, tempeh, cheese, wine, cider, beer, and lots of other things. All the wonderful stuff made by happy microbes. This in turn led me to another book, this one on home cheese making by Ricki Carroll. Some cheeses require extra equipment like a press but soft cheeses like mozzarella and mascarpone just need some extra ingredients. While I was happily imagining home made mozzarella and mead I got an email from the CSA. It was a notice of a workshop on fermentation given by - of course- Sandor Katz. And the very next day I reached a chapter in the Kingsolver book on her cheese making which she learned from Ricki Carroll's book. I have taken all of this to be a sign that I am headed in the right direction, at least food-wise. It would be nice to have a garden too but I must proceed one step at time.

It's a Crock

It has come to my attention that it's been 21 days since I last posted. I did not mean this to happen, really. It's not that I didn't know that December is almost half over, I think I just thought I had posted since November 23rd. You would think that at the very least I would have wanted to tell you about my lovely Thanksgivings (I had two, one on the day and one on Saturday). I made pumpkin cheesecake for the first one and some pear bruschetta for the second. But that ship has clearly sailed. Time to move on.

What have I been doing that has been so distracting? Well, I must say I haven't really been doing very much. Mostly I've been looking forward to my upcoming vacation. I'm taking Christmas week off. That hasn't happened since I was in college. The whole week of Christmas. It makes me feel beatific just thinking of it. I can bake in a leisurely manner rather than cramming it all into one weekend. I can go to the Cloisters and see the Christmas display they have there. I can decorate my apartment and finish the holiday knitting. Have I mentioned that I cannot wait until next Friday? I can't. And yet there are several loose ends I must tie up at work before then. But I won't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow.

I've also been making sauerkraut. Really. From purple cabbage. I won't bore you with the process that led me to buy a Harsch Crock. (If you have interest in pickling your own veggies I suggest googling it.) It wasn't strictly necessary, you can make sauerkraut in a plastic bucket, but it appealed to me both aesthetically and practically.

Here is the crock. It's kind of big and kind of heavy but it is admirably suited to its job.


And here is the kraut.


Kind of mild this time. I think I will add some spices next batch. Or just leave it fermenting for longer. I'm also going to do a whole head, ungrated. There is a Yugoslav dish called Sarma. It involves wrapping some beef and or lamb with onions and some other things in sour cabbage leaves and then braising. I haven't had it in forever since you cannot find whole sour cabbage leaves. My grandmother always made her own. Now I can too. Then I might do some pickled beets.

Embracing the Season

Lisa has posted about her Thanksgiving dinner plans. I got hungry just reading it. Thank goodness there is garlic roasting the oven for my afternoon snack. Her post reminded me that the holidays are well and truly here and I am just beginning to feel it.

I used to work in retail. When you work in retail the holidays can never sneak up on you. They're larger than life,taking over everything from the buying to the merchandising to the music in the store cd player. Even so, Christmas was always my favorite time. Usually when I say this people peer at me, wondering if the experience didn't leave me several cards short of a full deck. Perhaps I am delusional, suffering from PTSD. And it is true, it is exhausting and at times maddening. But I know a few others who work in retail who will back me up, Christmas has advantages. For one thing, people are in a hurry. They've got a dozen gifts to buy, including that secret Santa gift for the new girl in the office, and they do not have time to dilly dally. They want to get a gift and get out. This means they will not torture the sales staff with endless questions about the product. They may not even really know what they're buying. There are those of us (you know who you are) who hunt far and wide for the perfect gift. We are in the minority. As countless yard sales and thrift stores can tell, most people just want to buy something. If it's big or jeweled or requires lots of batteries, all the better. All of this is a plus to the overworked sales person. They are only required to ring it up and bag it and maybe to wrap it but at least they don't have to really sell it.

The other advantage to the holidays is how quickly the days go. There is no time for boredom. You arrive in the morning and before you know it the day has passed, hustled along in a storm of tissue and bags and little gift cards. It is a little worrisome to find a solid week of your life gone without you really noticing but it is only once a year. For two solid months the sales person's constant enemy, ennui, is held at bay. Of course it will be back with a vengeance in January, the doldrums of retail. But for now, days pass quickly and there is no need to find odd little projects to fill the time between shoppers, no need to clean the tops of shelves and endlessly fold and refold the sweaters. For now there is some excitement, a feeling of optimism in the air as retail gallops into the black.

I know, predictions are dire. John Q Public is not going to be spending this year. Gifts will be curtailed, dinners shortened, vacation plans put off. And it will probably be like that, mostly. Retail will be down this year, stores will make deeper cuts in prices, kids will not get everything on their list in spite of managing to clean their rooms at least once this year. But it is still a season of optimism. You just can't help yourself when faced with gold ribbons and colored lights and carolers in the street. Not to mention bowls of wassail punch. And this year we have the Inauguration to look forward to. It is right that we should feel this way, right that the Yule should bring hope as the days begin to lengthen. It's what we need now, not doomsday predictions but acknowledgment that we are still here, that we have breath and life and dear friends and family. So try not to worry too much, let the best of the season fill you with hope and joy. (And wassail punch.)

Still Slow

We're suffering from shock here in New York. We went from 60 degrees to 30 degrees pretty much overnight. And yet, people are still crawling along the sidewalks, stopping in bottlenecks, and generally getting in the way of those of us who want to get somewhere without our feet freezing to the sidewalk. I've been lobbying for a pedestrian passing lane for a while now. Everyone who wants to stroll, stop for no reason at all, and - most especially - talk on their cell phone can stay on the right. The rest of us will be quite happy to leave them in their daze as we go by at a civilized pace. I've never had a lot of patience. (No, it's true, I can accept it.) But I usually manage to present a patient front. Except when walking somewhere. I simply cannot abide people who wander about, seemingly unaware of their surroundings, most notably me, as I try to get past them while they weave about on the sidewalk. There is a special circle in Hell for such people, right below those who stand on the down escalator and above those who after reaching the cash register run back to grab some item (or 3) that they forgot.

We Did It

Okay, who else wants to run down the street yelling WOO HOO!?
Some people in my neighborhood did just that last night.
After the 2000 election I stopped watching the results come in. I watch something frivolous instead. This time I was about to turn off the TV and go to bed when I decided just to take a peek. It was 11:04pm and they were announcing that Barack Obama had won. But even if I had not changed the channel I would have known, for a moment later fireworks went off on the street and people were shouting and laughing. Here in Manhattan 85% of us voted for Obama so I fully expect to see lots of people smiling all day, patting each other on the back and feeling a sense of optimism for the first time in a long time. I know the road ahead is rough but for the moment I choose to embrace this heady feeling of joy and hope.

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness, may all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering, may all beings never be parted from freedom's true joy, may all beings live in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.-Buddhist prayer

Perfect Fall

The last two days have been simply gorgeous, the kind of days that make you so glad just to be alive. Cool crisp air, clear skies, and golden sunlight. Enjoy.

Fiber and Foliage

This weekend I went up to Dutchess County to visit my folks and to go to the New York Sheep and Wool Festival. The festival has been held every year since 1972. It began as a place for sheep farmers to buy and sell stock and fleeces. I don't know what the fair was like before the recent surge in knitters but now it is a mob scene. Last year the fair had 12,000 visitors on Saturday alone. I love to go and see all the yarns and the animals and all the wonderful crafts but I can only stay for so long before the crowds begin to drive me a little crazy. It's like Macy's on Christmas Eve.

Here's just a few people, some clutching their new fiber.

Sheep!

And Alpaca!
Alpaca have a reputation for not liking people but these guys were quite friendly

On Sunday we visited Clermont, an estate on the Hudson River. It was built by Robert R. Livingston, a man with an impressive resume including being one of the fiver writers of The Declaration of Independence and Chancellor of the State of New York. He was also the partner of Robert Fulton and helped him build the first steamboat. At first they called it The Steamboat (since it was the only one). Later they changed the name to Clermont.
The estate is beautiful and the house is very pretty and much smaller than many other Hudson estates.

This is actually the back of the house though it may have been the most used entrance since it faces the river.

One of the lions seems very sad. I have no idea why since this is the view he gets to look at every day.

Not too shabby. I think I could manage if I lived there. I'll have to go back in the spring when all the lilacs are in bloom.

Owls in the Forest

I know, a post two days in a row. Don't get used to it.
I thought you'd like to see the finished owl pillow. I made some attempts to carry the owls to the other side but nothing really worked so I left the trees as they were. Here is the finished pillow.

Bunny!

As some of you know, my cousin became pregnant this year. It's a little bizarre since I remember when she was born and now she's having her own baby. Anyway, she gave birth on September 16 to a little girl. I haven't seen her yet but I suspect she's pretty cute. Her mom has always been cute and the dad looks like someone out of a Rat Pack movie. She had this giant baby shower back in August. I may be biased but I think my gift was the best (though this photo does not do him justice).

Choices

Ok people, it's opinion time. I know you will not fail me.
Here's the deal. I am making a pillow cover with some plain linen. I've embroidered some trees on it. I was intending to fill in the lines with more embroidery but now I'm not sure. I'm thinking I might like to just leave the outline. The other side of the pillow has a different fabric, very minimalist and linear. Look for yourself and tell me what you think. (pardon the sad lighting)

Trees in outline.

Detail

Other fabric.

Detail. Isn't he cute?

First Day of Fall

It's been a while hasn't it? In fact, it's been so long that I had no idea the Blogger Dashboard had changed. It's not that I didn't compose any blog posts. I did, in the park or on the train on the way to work. But when I got back to my computer it just didn't seem necessary to actually type them in and click Publish Post. But what of you, gentle readers? Had I forgotten you, abandoned you to pointless speculation about the state of my life? Not at all, your entertainment is as religion to me. After all, if even I could not see the point of writing the post why would you find it diverting? Perhaps I was unduly critical of those posts, light frothy pieces about my trip to the aquarium and my ramblings through Prospect Park. But no matter, we are moving on, into the fall.
Of course, we do have pictures.

The Boat House at Prospect Park


Weird Octopus Sculpture at Prospect Park Zoo


The Dog Beach


The Lawn Zamboni

Overheard...

At the Farmers' Market, man on a cell phone:

Yeah, they've got vegetables and shit...