Follow the Leader

Following Lady Epiphany's lead, what do you see in me?
Though I am going to add the flip side too. What are my weaknesses?
This second is more intriguing since we are always our own worst critics.

Beta

I was unaware, until I read Lady Epiphany's latest post, that Blogger had a new Beta version. As you can see, I have switched templates. I like the style of this one but I think it needs a different image for the background. But that will have to wait since this new Beta version does not have raw template editing. Attempting that edit when it is available will be an adventure. I think I'll have to get my hands on a basic HTML guide. Any suggestions for a good one?

UPS

A couple of weeks ago I received a UPS notice. The next day I waited for him to come (the note said 10:30-2:00). Finally, at 5:00pm I had to go out to forage for food. I thought to myself that if I went the UPS man would come. Sure enough, as I came back up the hill there was the UPS truck. I went to it and asked the man if he had tried to deliver to my place. In fact he hadn't. He let me sign right there. Then he admitted what I had long known was true. They do lie in wait until you are gone and then they try to deliver.

I knew, having tracked a package, that it was due to be delivered today. I decided to go out as early as I could to do my errands. No good. I was gone for only 40 minutes until just past 10:30am and what was waiting for me? That's right, a UPS slip.

I swear, next time I am going to lay a trap. One of those big bear traps.

Names

Tonight on my train home there was a woman with a small boy. I would guess he was about 4 or so. He had lots of energy and reminded me a bit of my cats. He would climb on the seats then toss his toy car and pounce on it. He was however, louder than the cats and just as we were pulling in to the last station he fell and hit the side of his head on a pole. He began to cry. Really cry. Wail in fact. His mother tried to soothe him and I suspect caution him about the dangers of playing on the train. The wailing was not attractive but I felt sympathetic. Not because he was hurt but because he is saddled with the unlikely name of Maximilian. What kind of thing is that to do to a child? There's only two choices. First, Max, in which case he will have to be a bartender, a bookie, or a character actor. Second Maximilian, in which case he will somehow have to acquire a title and a castle in the Bavarian Alps. Tough either way. Don't people know that names really do influence who you become? Occasionally we rise above them, as my friend Jennifer who is anything but common and ordinary. But usually we live up to our names or nicknames. And they influence the behavior of others towards us. Marion Morrison knew this and changed his name to John Wayne. Names have power.

Comfort Zone

Everyone is looking for the coolest spot.

Still Unbroken

The heat wave has broken. That's what they say anyway. I'm not convinced. 90 degrees is still pretty warm. I think the heat wave has merely cracked and won't actually break for another week.

These are the times that test the tree hugger. I almost succumbed and bought an air conditioner but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. Honestly, it wasn't for me but for the cats and the computer. The cats have been spending their time lying behind the toilet on the tiles and the computer can only be used for a short while before it has to be allowed to cool off. But it could be worse. I could be one of the workmen hanging off the front of my building in the blazing sun or a Con Ed worker stuck in a manhole where the heat reaches 115 degrees. I can't even imagine it.

I am now on my 3 day week at work. Quite nice except that I haven't wanted to go anywhere or do much more than lie about. I feel pretty flabby. The office job combined with my gimpy ankle have kept me off my feet for a couple months and I feel jelly like. I do have to go out today, back to the acupuncturist. My right hand is being difficult. I've tried to give it rest, time to heal but I'm not even a little ambidextrous. I think what I need is a nice little vacation where I do nothing but lie in a hammock sipping cool drinks, nibbling on tasty morsels, and reading. I can do all of that with my left hand. No problem.

Defeat-For the Moment

Nora has won and I am defeated. The great cat toilet training experiment has come to a sad end. She simply refused to cooperate. As soon as I made that first small hole she refused to pee in the container and peed on the floor instead. She would still poop in the container but not pee. That defeats me. Cats are not like dogs. There is no guilt one can work with. "Bad Cat!" does not cause any shame. Dogs are Catholics, cats are Pagans. But I have not given up entirely. I will try again in a year or so. Maybe she'll be ready then.

Still Solid

Remember what I said about finding a space? Forget it. One of the other tenants has recklessly decided to expand her business and has taken it. I was going to be angry with her and break out the doll and pins but then I decided that maybe she saved me. Obviously the space was all wrong and the universe has saved me from an egregious error.

On the plus side I have not melted away. It was a very real possibility yesterday as the temperature soared in The Hole. Also, the cats have not expired. They persist in running about like mad things even though it is so hot that they have to stop periodically to pant. You know it's hot when the cats are panting.

I know what you're thinking. Why doesn't she just get an airconditioner? I'll tell ya. First, I don't like the things. They make the air all dry and stale tasting. Plus they suck up electricity and dump hot air out into the world which is hot enough. (Remember, I am a bleeding heart, tree-hugging, pinko liberal). Then there's the fact that I have only two windows in the main room. A big honkin' air conditioner would cut off a lot of light that I need. Lastly, one sill is already filled with plants so if I stuck the A/C in the other window the cats would have no where to sit where they could see out into the world and they do like doing that. I suppose I could take it out each fall and put it back in the summer but that's a big pain in the butt and where would I keep the damn thing the rest of the time? So, we all have to get over it, there will be no A/C at Chez Sheep.

In further news I am having acupuncture treatment for my carpal tunnely hand and my stressed out ankle. It's quite interesting. I have had only one treatment so far and my acupuncturist thinks I'll probably need 3. (I'm having one today) Not too bad. He also prescribed some herbs to soak my sad parts. They are kind of a smelly concoction, especially with the vinegar that gets added. When I did my first soak Nick hissed at the bowl. But it may be doing some good. It's hard to tell. I suspect it will need more time. I will keep you posted on progress. The herbal pharmacy that he sent me to was fascinating. It's in Chinatown and is filled with all sorts of interesting things. They use these great little hand held scales to weigh everything. I might have to get one.

From cooler days:

I'm Still Here

It's been a while since I've written but don't worry, I'm still here.

I gave my notice at The Pit on Thursday. A lovely feeling. Though there is still a lot of work to do and it is the tricky kind. The store manager and I have to create policies for everything in the new store. We want to make it as idiot proof as possible. We expect opposition and I suspect I will have to do some yelling. Might be fun.

In business news I have found a space for the business. It has it's pros and cons but I think the former outweigh the latter. It's really cheap. And the neighborhood is cool (though far from me). And the leaseholder seems sane. And it's an artists space so if I want to do some manufacturing I can. It is only semi-private but that may be all to the good. I was a little afraid I'd go for days without speaking to anyone. I like my alone time but there's a limit. This way they won't find me talking to the walls.

In weather news it's supposed to hit 100 degrees today. The Pit is going to be almost unbearable. Will someone call in a bomb scare? Please?

Here for you is an expressive face:

Revelations

My sister, brother in law and nephews were in town today and we had dinner together along with a friend of theirs. Near the end of the dinner I related to my sister that our cousin who is lending me money for the business had annoyed me by implying that I didn't know what I was doing. It was unsolicited advice. Her opinion was that I was ungrateful and that it was all in my head. This is not the case. I am grateful but I should not have to prove myself to someone I know. I also don't think she understands what it took for me to ask for that money. She does not have my fierce pride. I haven't asked anyone for money since I was 19 years old and I don't like it. I can ask for advice and for someone's expertise but I do not take kindly to unsolicited advice or to having to ask for help. I have worked hard to be good at what I do. I have to know, must know, that I have done it on my own. My independence is as important as the air that I breathe.

I realized something else as we talked. Her sons seemed to think that we were squabbling. I would not have said so. We disagreed but that was it. However, in the house where we grew up such things were not so visible. At least not when I was there. It was a WASPY place. In my friend Rebecca's family our discussion would have been merely business as usual but for my nephews it was a squabble. I know my sister cannot stand when my father argues and I try not to do it around her but I would not have backed down about this. I don't' think you should agree just to keep the peace. There must be a middle ground. I know I do not reveal my feelings easily and I see where it comes from. I have struggled to become more open and I found it funny that I was the loud one at the dinner. I realized that I have in fact i have always been the loud one, the one with the opinions. They see me as argumentative and as someone who needs to be right. I do like being right but it is more important to be true to what I believe. I love my family and I enjoy them but I have always felt slightly apart, as if I couldn't quite make them see me. Perhaps it is my own doing, my reticence and independence. But only in part. Somehow I grew up different, more proud, more opinionated, more the Alpha type than any of them. More my father's daughter perhaps. He did not get along with his own siblings, has not spoken to them in a long time.

What can we do? Families are a difficult thing at best. I am more fortunate than most that I can enjoy a short time together and not dread the holidays. Look for your blessings. They are there. Even in the family.

Passion and Purpose

One of the blogs I read regularly belongs to Eunny Jang. (See sidebar). She has a knitting blog and her knitting is awesome. I mean that in the literal sense of the word. It is even more awesome if you know that she is only 23.
Every now and then I run into someone like that, someone who had tremendous drive and energy and purpose early on in his/her life. When my father was in high school he heard an architect speak on Career Day. And that was it. My father knew he would be an architect and he never looked back. My friend Lisa's brother was drawing plans when he was a little boy and is now a landscape architect who loves his job.
I've always envied those people. I like a lot of things. Knitting, cooking, history, archeology, art. But I don't have a real passion for any one thing. And without the passion it is hard to get in gear. If I had my way I would have a bunch of different jobs all at once. Then maybe I wouldn't get bored and go after the next shiny object. My other problem is that I don't like risk. At least not security in life risk. I want to know that I can pay my bills and eat every day. I like the comforts of home and am loathe to do anything that might jeopardize having them.
I know. I should just get over it. No risk, no gain. One step at a time. And several other cliches to get you through. I am interested to see how it will all turn out.

One Hundred More

I quite liked Lady Epiphany's list of 100 random things about her so I am doing one too. In any case it is better than doing the tedious reports.

1. I was born at St. Vincent's Hopital in Greenwich Village.
2. My middle name is Nina.
3. I have two cat's named Nick and Nora.
4. A while ago I learned to spin yarn but I haven't done any spinning in months.
5. I'm a closet romantic.
6. I had a compression fracture of my second lumbar vertebra.
7. I too believe in love at first site.
8. I read Robert Brezny's weekly horoscope in the Village Voice.
9. My sister is 8 years older and 4 inches shorter than I am.
10. My mother was born in Belgrade, Yugoslavia.
11. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 12.
12. I like lasagna best when it's cold.
13. I've never been falling down drunk.
14. I have been hung over.
15. My birthday is April 7th.
16. I know my rising sign: Cancer.
17. I was not breast fed.
18. I went to The Bronx High School of Science.
19. I have a degree in Theatrical Design but I am no longer in Theatre.
20. If I could do it all again there are two things I would change.
21. I like those old Dracula movies starring Peter Cushing.
22. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people.
23. I wish I wrote letters more often.
24. When I was little I had an imaginary friend.
25. I've been a techie, a stage manager, a designer, an office manager, a receptionist, a retail sales person, and am about to be a business owner.
26. When I was 5 I fell down some stairs hit my head and was out for a minute.
27. I want to go to Egypt and Morocco.
28. I enjoy seeing my family at holidays, but only for limited time periods.
29. When I was 13 I was caught shoplifting candy at the 7/11. That was my last attempt though I have walked off with office supplies since then.
30. When I was 3 my beach ball floated away and I was afraid to go in the water in case I floated away. I got over it.
31. I want to learn to sail.
32. My paternal grandfather was a veterinarian.
33. I'm sad that I never got to know him.
34. I want to live in a house with a garden.
35. I occasionally miss having long hair.
36. I read Tarot cards.
37. I wear size 7 1/2 shoes.
38. I stopped growing when I was 13.
39. No one ever asked me what I wanted to be when I was a child.
40. When I was 12 I wrote a mystery story. The butler did it.
41. I wish I didn't have to work at all.
42. I have no need to be famous, just comfortable.
43. I wish I could have a dog (or two).
44. My hair is brown with a smattering of gray (now covered by henna).
45. I had a co-worker once who called me Scully. I found that strangely gratifying.
46. I love summer.
47. My first crush was a boy named John Tepedino.
48. Looking back I know that he was very kind and generous and I hope he is well.
49. I often start things and then don't finish them.
50. My mother died when I was 7.
51. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if she hadn't.
52. I often expect the worst.
53. And yet I expect that everything will be all right.
54. I don't like taking cabs.
55. I want to learn to scuba dive.
56. I prefer to be alone when I am sick.
57. When I was 21 I stepped on a nail.
58. I am not bothered by the sight of blood.
59. I am underpayed.
60. I prefer Carolans to Bailey's.
61. I make sour cherry brandy.
62. I almost went to school for architecture.
63. My freshman year my roommate and I painted a to scale Boston T map on our wall.
64. I love yarn and fiber.
65. I have very little patience for people who do not know how to think.
66. My eyes are brown.
67. I was born in the Year of the Dog.
68. I like to do yoga.
69. I own 80 cookbooks.
70. I am trying to get to 200 cookbooks.
71. I don't have a favorite color.
72. I hate working at a desk all day.
73. My favorite author is Terry Pratchett.
74. When I was four I started learning the violin.
75. I gave it up in junior high school.
76. Sometimes I think it would be nice to start it up again.
77. One of my favorite books is The House of Seven Gables.
78. Sometimes I think I was born into the wrong time.
79. I believe in the concept of Karma.
80. When I was 8 I moved in with my father's first cousin and her husband.
81. I lived in Queens for 10 years.
82. When I was 5 I thought only Manhattan was New York City.
83. I like "dirty water" franks with saurkraut and mustard.
84. I am 5'5" tall.
85. I am an anglophile.
86. My father's side of my family came to the US in 1832.
87. I used to be a night person but now I am becoming more of a morning person.
88. I love cherries, could eat them until I blow up.
89. I have 2 tattoos and am considering getting a third.
90. In acting class we had to sing a song. I sang the theme to the Brady Bunch.
91. By the end of the song everyone had joined in.
92. Occasionally I miss the theatre.
93. I have never smoked. Ever.
94. If I could be anything in the world and be successful at it I would be a writer.
95. I prefer to fix things myself than hire someone to do it.
96. My favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate.
97. I have a weakness for stationery stuff-paper, pens, markers, etc..
98. I love shoes, I understand Imelda Marcos completely.
99. I share my birthday with Billie Holliday, Francis Ford Coppola, and Jackie Chan.
100.Making this list turned out to be harder than I thought.

Monday

We made it. It almost did us in but we made it. The store is a complete mess and no one is looking forward to putting it back together. Instead of being carried to Oz by the tornado we were left here in Kansas to clean up the mess it left behind.
I am back in the Hole and I must do reports for April and then May so that we are caught up. This project that I accepted has turned into much more than originally planned. Not that I'm surprised by that. It was inevitable. But I still don't like it. And as construction has not begun on the new place it is seeming less and less likely that we will be moving in August. It's only a month and a half away! (Sigh)
On the plus side the Master of the Pit has given up on the idea of the party in the tent. Our manager convinced him that it would really be a slap in the face. Or possibly a custard pie in the face.

Once more, with feelings of disgust

We have almost reached the weekend and the denizens of the Pit of Despair are once again getting ready for an outdoor sale. We walk about in a fog of disbelief that it is actually happening again. We wonder, will we make to Sunday night? Or will the crowds overwhelm us and leave us lying bloody and broken? The other pressing question is will we have anything to sell? They cleaned us out two weeks ago and much of the replacement merchandise has not arrived. The twisted side of me hopes that the stuff does not get here. It would be darkly humorous. But it would also be kind of horrible if we did all the work for nothing. Not that we are likely to see any of the profit. Our manager and head buyer have been lobbying for cash bonuses for us but the master of the Pit has a tight grip on his wallet. He just can't bear to give it away. What happens if he gives some away and then the business fails (after 30 years) and he is left destitute? Needless to say, the denizens are less than pleased with this. It's hard to give your all with no hope of reward. The master has come up with a further winning idea. As a thank you to the staff he will give a catered party with a band... in July, in the very tent where we have been toiling these past weeks. As if we ever want to see the damned tent again. Or stand in its sweaty confines while eating off of tiny plates.

So while you are enjoying this weekend, spare a thought for the denizens of the Pit and say a little prayer that we get a proper thank you.

Too Much

I hope Lady Epiphany feels better today. I am sorry that I did not get to visit with her and the new ankle biter yesterday. She and her husband may be more sorry since I baked a cake. It was their anniversary the day before and I wanted to get them something. But what? Of course, cake. It stared at me all the afternoon until I succumbed and ate some of it, more than I probably should have. However, I cannot eat all of it. That would be one and a half sticks of butter, three quarters of a pound of chocolate, one and a half cups of sour cream, half a pound of sugar, and half a pound of flour. A bit much for one person even several days. So I am freezing some of it for later cake need and taking the rest of it to work. I'm sure the denizens of The Pit will welcome it.

In Fond Memory

For Daphne, who left this world much too soon.

Mom
Friend
Woman who didn't take any crap from anyone.

You will be missed.

Survival

I have managed to survive the week from Hell. The Pit of Despair (my job for those just tuning in) is moving sometime this summer so we are having two big sales, partly to get rid of some things but mostly to make a pile of money to tide us over while we are closed. The Pit has a big sale every June in the parking lot next to our building. We put up a tent and fill it with a ton of stuff. Some of the deals are really good but there's also a lot of junk. We process about 600 customers on average and make some good money. The Saturday of the sale is always the busiest but this year was something else. I have no idea where they all came from but it was a madhouse. You could barely move in the tent and the line to pay stretched out the door and down to the next corner. And they bought everything. Not just the good stuff like cookware and appliances but shelf liners and spoons and mismatched napkins and cobalt blue cow butter dishes (really). One woman proudly told me how she had "snatched victory form the jaws of defeat" by grabbing a pan that she wanted from another woman when that woman left it unattended for a minute. I waited all day for a fist fight to break out over something but we managed to avoid that. We did this for three days, three 12 hour days filled with madness. But we made it, along with a serious pile of money.

We do it again in 2 weeks.

One More

Today I went and opened my business accounts at the bank. Another step on the road taken. With each step the business becomes more tangible. It's really going to happen. And then, no matter what happens after that I'll know that I tried, gave it my best effort. It may be trite but it makes all the difference. I have mostly taken the path of least resistance if not always the road well traveled. Now I've changed that and I feel pretty good, in spite of the lingering fear and anxiety.

The small business manager at the bank was very nice. She's lived in this neighborhood for 30 years. We agreed that we needed a good coffee bar and a bookstore. Anybody ready to start one? It's a sure thing.

On a different subject, the cats have been careening around the place after a fly. Plants have been knocked over, last minute saves made during leaps but so far the fly has gotten away. Nick stared at it for quite some time making these small growls and meows. The hunting instinct is alive and well here in the big city.

Soapbox

Today I met up with my sister and two of my cousins. We had dinner together. During this dinner a subject came up that is dear to my heart. Now I will be the first to admit that I like to argue and I like to be right. I get this from my father. I try to control it and not play devil's advocate too often. And in fairness to myself I am often right. I try to think before I speak.
Anyway. My sister's older child has troubles. He is very bright and loves to read. His vocabulary is advanced for his years but his social skills are lacking. He does not see when his opinions and pronouncements are not welcomed. He gets beaten up as a result. My cousin Mark said that he should be taught how to get along, how to conform. I swear he used that word. That's when I got on my soapbox. (I have a portable one, ready to be taken out at any moment.) I said that you should never give up yourself and change yourself for others. I said that with time my nephew would learn how to be more diplomatic and more aware of how other's felt but he's only 11. He has to mature. My cousin said life would be easier if he learned to get along. I said that it was true life would suck for a while but he would be glad later. My cousin said, who would know if you behaved differently in the group? I said, I would. I said that I had to look at myself in the mirror every day and that although a lot of school had sucked for me I was so glad I hadn't tried to fit in. The argument ended there. They laughed and said I was my father's daughter. I tried to say that this was serious to me but it was over. They couldn't see what I meant. Mark in particular. He kept insisting it would be easier to learn to fit in.
Now this is from a man who stayed in the closet until he was 50. He worked in a corporate world and thought that would be better. Yes, he has made a lot of money and he retired at 51 but what did he lose? Who did he miss along the way? What could he have done and been if he had accepted himself and been true to that? There were places he could have worked that would have accepted him. I think he just couldn't accept it.
I found on the way home that I was truly upset. In today's world there is sooo much pressure to conform, to be like everyone else. Kids who don't fit in get medicated. Adults medicate themselves. Any deviation from the norm is anathema. Individuality and imagination are disappearing. Where will we be if people cannot think outside the norm? Do you feel different? Treasure the feeling. Hold it to your heart like the truly precious thing it is. And if your kids are different, celebrate them, encourage them to be all they are.

Pets

The other day as I was walking to the subway I saw a bulldog that had a champagne cork in his mouth. He had it by the bottom so the just the top was poking out. He looked like he'd been corked. Weird.

As some of you know I am attempting to toilet train my cats using a thing by Citikitty.com. It's a toilet shaped plastic tray that you put over your toilet and then fill with litter. You gradually remove parts of the tray (in a concentric pattern) until there is no litter left and your cat is using the toilet. When I think of never scooping litter again I feel almost beatific.

As for my cats, so far, so good. There was a brief bit of trouble initially but now we are happily using the litter in the toilet. The company suggests one week for each stage but I think I may go two weeks. We'll see how it goes. The bathroom is a bit messier now and the cover is harder to scoop than a big litter box but I think the extra work will be worth it. If I manage to get a picture of a cat on the toilet I will post it. No promises, they're kind of shy about it.