The Hardest Thing

I did a dumb-ass thing today and it was almost really bad. Not life and death bad but lost data bad. I scared both myself and another person who did not need the aggravation. It all turned out okay in the end, in fact several problems were solved and it may have saved the data in the long run but I am still having a hard time with it. I know there are people out there, you know who you are, who can shrug this kind of thing off. I cannot. I really hate making dumb mistakes, mistakes of any kind really, particularly when the mistake involves someone else. And yet, I always find myself taking on responsibilities that have the potential for mistakes. (It's a good thing I never wanted to be a doctor because heaven only knows how I'd cope with losing a life.) I simply cannot leave a thing alone if the thing doesn't make any sense. I make things my problem when they don't have to be. This is one of the reasons I have trouble working for other people. I hate seeing waste and disorganization. I tell myself "it's not my business" over and over and but I don't seem to be able to help myself. It's not all that altruistic either. I want to solve the problem, to be the one in control, the one who knows the answer. This makes it almost impossible for me to just have a job that doesn't follow me home in some way. If only I could figure out a way to let it go, to let go of the fear and the doubt and the self-recrimination. Nasty things. Of course the only answer to that is to just do it. Stop thinking about it, stop being concerned about what others think, stop seeking perfection. Easier said than done though. If any of you have a method for banishing nasty thoughts please share it. I'll take all the help I can get.

Wordless Wednesday

I can't take credit for this photo but it just seemed the right one to put up today.

I'd Like to Thank...

Lady Epiphany has nominated me as a Rockin' Girl Blogger. Pretty cool. I like to be thought of as Rockin'. Makes me want to go out and buy some new clothes to be Rockin' in.

Anyway, here are my five nominees, passin' it on.

1. The lovely Lisa over at Spawntimes. Lisa moved away from New York some years ago and I miss having her around. But at least I get to read her blog; I can really hear her in every line. Facing the dog puke and screaming with humor she always makes me laugh.

2. The Worsted Witch. Not only a knitter but a tree-hugging pinko liberal like me. She's got all sorts of good information on living well without leaving a big mess on the planet.

3. The Yarn Harlot. 'Nuf said.

4. Cheryl Porro over at the Cupcake Bakeshop. Cupcakes are her thing and she's happy to share all her experiments with us.

5. And last but certainly not least, Amelia Raitte. I always enjoy reading her blog and occasionally I poke my head up to insert a comment. I think I would like to have a cup of coffee with her and a nice long chat. She knits and creates and faces life with grace and humor.

So, there they are. Go visit them if you haven't before and tell them I said "hi".

Back to Work

It's been almost 10 days since I last posted. I didn't mean to leave it for so long but it has been a hard couple of weeks. Going back to work full time after 7 months is tough. The job itself is not really demanding but there has been a lot of information to absorb. I'm also finding that everyone here is too damn sweet. It's a little nauseating actually. I think that for the most part it is sincere but it's a bit much for someone whose age measured in cynicism is about 437. I'm also quite a bit older than the people I work beside at the reception desk. The teachers are my age and older but I don't spend much time with them. This is the first time I have really felt the gap. There's so many things they don't know. I'm also missing conversation with other foodies. There was an article the other day in the Times about Camembert cheese that I would loved to have discussed with someone but they would all have looked at me as if I were a little crazy.

Fortunately I am going to Lady Epiphany's for the 4th of July and I will be able to let the wise-ass remarks out. Not to mention drinking wine and eating lots of yummy meat off the grill.

It Does You Good to Laugh

My sister came for a visit this past weekend. I don't get to see her enough and this time was all too short. She has two kids and the older, J, is very difficult. We suspect he has Aspergers which means that he doesn't do well in social situations, like school, for example. My sister told me that they were considering sending him to boarding school. I don't know how this would go. Perhaps if it was the right place, designed to deal with children that really don't fit in. He is looking more and more like Harry Potter every day. Yesterday we got an email from my sister about her various trials and tribulations including a sick child. As it turns out, this was not the correct diagnosis. This morning we all got the following:

Dear Everyone,

Well, you really have to laugh sometimes:

J was suspended from school today. He got into a fist fight with some kid in the cafeteria. J told the Asst. Principal they were just joking around. The other kid said that J had come up to him and said "I don't want to see your miserable face ever again."

J came home (while I was getting W from school), ransacked the kitchen for junk food and brought it up to his room in case he got grounded. (Yes, we do feed him when he's grounded, just not junk food.) Then he got a bottle of ipecac to take some to make himself sick -- so that he could stay home from school, in case we didn't find out he was grounded. He claims he didn't actually take any, that he just happened to get sick coincidentally. . . .

We did not get the phone call about him being grounded until this morning.

I'm actually a little relieved. It means that instead of running up and down stairs with ibuprofen and throw up buckets, I can just ignore the fellow all day.

Meanwhile this morning, W and I were packing up all these cooking ingredients and tools because today in school his class is doing the "How To Cafe." It sounds like a disaster with twenty ten years olds demonstrating cooking techniques all day. I bet the school janitors are gonna love this one.

I sure am glad I'm on the happy pills now! All this seems kind of funny to me; whereas previously I would have been banging my head against the wall.

Yes, she is on medication. And she's not alone. Two of my cousins are also taking the happy pills. I find it a bit disturbing actually. I wonder how it will all turn out and if they will have to keep taking the pills forever. But as I don't have to deal with out of control children in addition to my own mood swings I cannot judge. When in doubt, have a good laugh.

Wordless Wednesday

Book Club

A few months ago, in an effort to get myself out of my house and speak to actual people I joined a book club through Meetup.com. It's been an interesting experience. Meetup is a good idea but it has some drawbacks. For example, only about half of the people who RSVP in the affirmative actually show up and most of those that do are late. Not really surprising for those of us used to dealing with people but annoying anyway. The host started the club not just to discuss books but to meet new people. In this she's been frustrated by the odd assortment that have been showing up. One woman in particular is very strange and we're not sure why she comes, she doesn't seem to enjoy herself at all. Another person sent the host an email to tell her that he was leaving the club because he was looking for a more intelligent and worldly group. I'm not sure if he is really looking for a literary criticism society or if he was put off by the fact that most of us disagreed with his views. Part of the problem may be the host. She is perfectly nice but getting a word in edgewise is almost impossible. She tends to go on and speaks faster than anybody else I know. You have to really want to state your opinion. This is not a problem for me (I heard that) but others might find it off-putting. Our next book is Virginia Woolf's "To the Lighthouse". I hope it's a bit more uplifting than the last few books. Anyone want to suggest a book for us?